I think my partner is gay

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
I think my partner is gay
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 5:38pm

I'm 29 and am seeing a man who is 17 years older than me and I think he might be gay. He was married for 14 years but had a totally sexless marriage with his wife and they never did anything together. They never went away on holiday together, never ate together, never shared a bed and I feel that's odd. I asked him why he ended up marrying her and he just said that all his friends were settling down and marrying and he felt he should do the same. This rang alarm bells.

As far as my personal experience is concerned I have further inklings that he may well be gay. He has no idea of how to satisfy me sexually. His idea of foreplay is a quick tweak of my nipples and he appears to have no idea of the female anatomy. He'd need sat nav to even find my clitoris. Whilst touching me or looking at me he never gets an erection. He can only get an erection by me stimulating him or him masturbating and when we do have penetrative sex he insists on entering me from behind. I can sense people reading this message thinking that he merely doesn't find me attractive and doesn't want to look at me whilst having sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 5:47pm
Hi there Colacube,

Well even if he weren't gay in the slightest, this sounds like a pretty unsatisfying relationship! Are you sure you want to remain with this guy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 6:10pm

colacube, I see no obvious

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 10:39pm

Welcome to the board, Colacube2011 ~

I don't see anything truly obvious that points to gay; there are plenty of men who are clueless about how to please women and many who have difficulty achieving erection and some who insist on sex from behind (that's a little concerning IMO, but not from a gay standpoint). I know men who are very anal about their wardrobe, cleaning, etc., and they are very much straight.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Fri, 07-22-2011 - 1:11am
" So why are YOU staying in a relationship that isn't what you want with a man you suspect is gay? "

Thats all I would be focussing on.

Gay or not, isnt your problem.He is who he is and is free to be.If you dont like what he is, leave BUT dont try to change him or spread the word just becuase you suspect it as he doesnt have sex with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 07-22-2011 - 8:33am

I agree - Whether or not he's gay, this isn't a satisfying relationship and there is no reason whatsoever to stay in spite of the problems you have. And really, doubting that he is attracted to your half of the planet is not a great sign.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 2:33pm

Hi I too do not think he is gay.