I walked out of counseling today
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| Wed, 07-26-2006 - 4:15pm |
I'm new here but not to iVillage!
My husband and I have been going to counseling for a few months. I guess for the regular married stuff. We are both on our second marriages. Today, I just up and left.
We don't seem to talk about "things" when we are at home. Things kind of just keep rolling and seem fine enough. But when I get to counseling I want to talk about the things that seem wrong and issues that get buried under the carpet daily. Now I am labeled "negative." I don't go there to talk about what's great. My husband spends most of the time talking furiously fast and justifying the issues I bring up. When I start to argue back... the counsler says "'He' can't get a word in edge-wise." Bwahh! Today, I watched the clock. He talked for 25 minutes of our 40 minute session. I left at 30 minutes.
He also seems to manipulate things. "I was only helpng" "I only have our best interests in mind" "I'm just trying to make things work." This is in counseling. Out of counseling we're too busy with kids and work. Or he's on the cell phone with nobody important, but leads the counselor to think it's very important work related.
AHHH! Am I the one that's impossible?

Welcome to the board, Britlandco. I can understand your frustration. I don't get it because counseling is for problem resolution and learning to deal better, talking about the good stuff is a waste of your time if that's all you're doing. Shoot, you can pay me to tell me about that, who needs a degree and a license to hear about the good stuff! How long have you been seeing this counselor? If this is how your sessions usually go, it sounds like your counselor is biased towards your husband and pretty ineffective to facilitating improvement or change. Have you gone in for an appointment alone to find out what this is about? I think I'd do that first, or make a phone call to discuss the issue. If you don't come away with some understanding and satisfaction, I'd look for another counselor, there are duds in every profession, and it sounds like you may have one of them.
It just occurred to me, is this a licensed counselor? If so, does s/he have a certificate, accreditation or other licensing in a field specific to couples counseling? I ask because counseling couples is vastly different than counseling an individual and some counselors who are only licensed for individuals offer couples counseling as a "service" to their clients. The problem with that is they've not had the training and haven't proven to have the necessary knowledge base to competently work with couples. I have friends who are therapists and they ask me to remind everyone to check for the proper accreditation before seeing a couples counselor. Those counselors who counsel couples without the proper training mean well, but generally do much more damage to the relationship they're trying to help than existed there to begin with -- the basics of dealing with couples is that much different than dealing with an individual. If your counselor is not licensed, accredited, or certified, stop seeing him/her immediately and find a counselor who has appropriate certification.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"