If I agree will it bite me in the !@# later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
If I agree will it bite me in the !@# later.
9
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:55pm

I have been separated for sometime now. My husband has told me that we need to downsize once he comes back from working overseas. He says he can't handle everything by himself any longer. He will be living in another state once he gets back. He wants to put me in the kids up in an apartment and take care of all the expenses except for the vehicle he purchased for me, told me I need to get a part time job to cover the car payment. Says he is not trying to be mean about the situation he just needs to make sure he can be able to still take care of his expenses as well when he moves. I don't know what to do, I already said OK but I don't want this to come back on me in the end when we finally do get lawyers involved and go to court. Right now no lawyers are involved and our separation isn't legal. He told me not to take this the wrong way but maybe I need to apply for assistance for my older 2 kids since they aren't his biologically, how am I suppose to take that. Any advice please. Is agreeing to this move a bad idea?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 12:21am

Welcome back, Sheari29 ~

It's imperative that you don't guess on what you should be doing and how to proceed.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 10:54am

I do agree that you should see a lawyer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 8:34pm

I'm wondering if you really have much choice in the matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sat, 07-09-2011 - 2:21pm
I made the call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sat, 07-09-2011 - 2:45pm
The kids are 3, 7, 12, and 14. We have not agreed on a divorce, but I feel with the actions he's taken it wont be long before it comes up. When I say actions I mean moving me and the kids out of the house into an apartment and asking me if he can take certain things from the house with him to his new place. He will be living in a different state because of work. He makes good money while he is overseas, when he comes back and works in the states the pay changes a lil, he wont say by how much. He has been around my older 2 since they 3 and 5. There dad hasnt been around.When he did come back we agreed he would give me a set amount every month for the kids, that lasted a few years and it stopped. My husband told me not to worry about it because he would take care of the kids like he had been doing before thier dad came back in the pic, when i told him its not right that he gets away with not doing and that he should be helpin he still didnt want it, so thats the way it has been. As for the vehicle it was purchased last year, we needed a second car because he was workin in a different state. I know what he is sayin sounds fair but no one knows him like me and he is very tricky. I just dont wanna be agreein to something that will hurt me in the end. I was hurt by what he said about the older 2 kids. U tell me from day 1 those are my kids this that and the third u been there for them u been in thier lives for 10 years and now its I only wanna claim the 2 that are really mines forget hurting me now ur hurtin them. I should have walked away a long time ago but I didnt tryin to believe in my marriage and be nice. Look where being nice got me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-09-2011 - 9:26pm

Well I can tell you that if the court calculates child support, they will not include the older kids because he has no legal responsibility to support them if he didn't adopt them.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 1:15pm

Good, I'm glad to hear it.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 6:04pm
musiclover12 wrote:

Well I can tell you that if the court calculates child support, they will not include the older kids because he has no legal responsibility to support them if he didn't adopt them.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 10:31pm

Actually in MA at least it is true that someone can't be ordered to pay support for stepchildren.