To ignore?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
To ignore?
12
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:32am

Ok ladies, I have a question for you. I am dating a very beautiful, well endowed lady. Things are great but there is a small problem(at least on my behalf). Whenever we go somewhere from the mall to walking down the street there are always stares and comments from men. This bugs the hell out of me and more often than not I want to just say something to them. In my eyes they are disrespecting her which REALLy pisses me off but she says she has heard all that all her life and she just ignores it and to acknowledge them is just waht they want. I would like to know how some of you handle it when everywhere you go you get comments and such and am I out of line.

Thanks
Junkie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:02pm

If SHE wants to ignore them, then just ignore them with her. If there is some particularly obnoxious guy who won't stop, then I would simply say something like, "That's really disrespectful." or "Would you like to think of someone talking to your sister that way?"

Honestly, the best way to honor her is to not leer at women (not saying you do, please don't assume that's what I meant) even when you aren't with her, and stop your guy friends from making cracks about women by telling them it's really disrespectful, etc.

And kudos to you for realizing it is disrespectful.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:15pm

Just trying to imagine the alternative to ignoring it.....I hope you are a martial arts expert...walking down the street in the face of every guy that looks at a beautiful women when she passes....she is gonna get tired of watching you get in street fights EVERYWHERE you go ALL THE TIME.

Ignore it, unless they are verbally disrespectful. P.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:03pm
First of all the physical intimidation part is no problem , Im just trying to be a gentleman,and Im not talking about a quick glance, that is just part of being with a beautiful woman, Im talking about crude comments from jerks. We have discussed this many times and I think part of the problem is that she is very friendly down to earth that is very easily mistook for something else by most men. I have even tried to tell her to at least give a dirty look but she doesnt want to mean to anybody.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 12:17am

From what you write, she seems perfectly happy and sees no reason to change. You say that you've discussed it many times.....bearing this in mind, why are you persisting in raising the subject again and again?

For the record, when a guy takes a hungry look at me, I'm flattered. And I'm sure not going to scowl at him. Well, actually, I should be writing this in the past tense. I'm pushing 40 with two kids now and the looks don't happen anymore LOL. Tell her to enjoy it while it lasts!

If you can deal with her being a nice person and strangers looking at her, good for you. But if you don't like it, move on.

At the end of the day, it's not fair to try and make her less of a person than she is.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 4:35am
I still get plenty of looks, my husband says I get lots more than I realize. Back when he was insecure, it used to bother him, but since he's resolved those issues he finds that he enjoys knowing that other men find his wife attractive. You might consider adopting the same attitude. You'll probably relate to what he says, that he's amazed at how many guys will blatantly stare, ignoring him, yet knowing full well he's right beside me, staring back at them.


As far as responding to comments goes, I'm with Orangecuse, it's best to not respond.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 7:13am
I guess I kinda got off topic some, I was also wondering how it makes some of you feel to constantly have to deal with that kind of bulls#$t. I dont mind a quick glance, being an average male it is good for MY ego to have such a beautiful woman with me and to know so many men wish they has something as beautiful(inside and out) as my baby. I have a very close friend, strictly platonic, who is very beautiful and anytime we do something she goes thru the same stuff but I she isn't quite as soft spoken she will tell them where to get off. Anyhow was wondering how it makes you feel when these jerks make their comments.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 9:37am

It makes me think the guys who say the comments have no brains, personality, or intellect, if they think it's okay to say mean and disrespecting things to women. Though there would be a small side of me that would be flattered too.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 9:41am

I am also dating a rather attractive woman that also draws stares and appreciative glances from other men when we are out. This is not a bad thing. I am secure enough in myself that I actually am proud to be with this very special lady and I am truly honored to have her by my side. Keep in mind that she chose to be with you and not someone else and pay more attention to that fact than that other men find her beautiful. You need to seriously look at your own jealousy and what that says about you and your own confidence. Focus your mind on what the two of you share between you and if nothing else, when you see another man admiring your woman, think to yourself "Yeah buddy, she is very good looking and guess who she's going home with! Dream on my friend."

It is also a very different situation when other men pay attention to your woman and she responds to it by flirting with them. If that was the case, then you truly have a problem between you and the one you are with. But if that's not the case then get over your jealousy and keep your thoughts where they should be -- on her. And one more thing just as a word of warning, if you don't find a way to deal with your jealous nature and find ways to reinforce your own confidence, you may not have this relationship for very long. Always consider what life would be like if she wasn't with you and when you realize how much you'd miss her, then make sure you remind her every chance you get how much you appreciate her and how wonderful you think she is. If you treat her with respect and appreciation and sensitivity, you'll be a very happy man in the end.

Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 10:27am

My fiance is very very attractive and I see guys check her out all the time. As long as they are only looking my reaction is to ignore them....guys look, some just do it more disceetly then others. If they leer I chalk it up to a personality flaw in them (lack of class). I don't get defensive (defend her) or angry (mad at them) cause I am secure in my relationship....he can't have what I have so I don't waste energy on him.

Thanks, P.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
In reply to: dirtjunkie21
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 10:10pm
My whole point wasnt that I am jealous or that she flirts back, it was the fact of the rude crude sometimes obsene comments. Yes it makes me very proud for her to be with me and believe me my thoughts are on her as well as hers on me, we are very happy it just aggravates me when she is disrespected, which was my main point the comments are in my book very disrespectful and was wondering what some of the other ladies thought when they were treated this way. Which just off the record to some extent she probably does enjoy the attention, who wouldnt, I wish women would gawk at me:) but as I said some of the comments are completely tastless.But maybe you are right , even if I find it offensive maybe she doesnt so..... but thanks for the input anyway.

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