I'm feeling guilty over the way i feel. I need to vent & possibly get advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
I'm feeling guilty over the way i feel. I need to vent & possibly get advice
22
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 2:19pm

I am feeling very guilty for feeling the way i do about my dh but i just don't know what to do about it? I love my dh very much. We've been married for almost 25yrs. Within the past couple of yrs our lives have changed dramatically. My dh had to medically retire from his job due to do him becoming disabled. He is now at hm all the time. I have always been a sahm so I'm hm with him all the time. It's becoming too much time together. The part i feel guilty about is that he can no longer do the things with me he use to. He was a very active person and we love to do outdoor sport stuff that he can no longer do. Also, we can no longer go out and go dancing or do anything physically exerting. The issue is that i can still do all these things but dont want to do them without him. I'm starting to feel like we're drifting apart. To make matters worse, he takes narcotic pain meds and it does affect his behavior. I take meds for mental illness i have and he frequently blames me for our arguements. Our comunication has gotten horrible. I have tried to work on it but it just seems to go nowhere. I don't know what to do or how to improve things. I feel like i'm stuck in a relationship that doesn't match up. We don't have much in common anymore. We don't have fun together anymore. I feel like my life is passing me by and i'm losing sum of the best yrs of my life. Feeling this way makes me feel horrible and guilty. He is only 4yrs older then me but you wouldn't know it by looking at us. I just don't know what to do to improve our relationship. :smileysad:

Kathi Taylor

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Too much time together is not good, You really start to get on each others nerves and argue when your together all the time. But for your own sanity you must have some time apart and pursue your own interests, otherwise you will feel suffocated in the marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

It would be difficult for anyone when one person becomes disabled.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Formygirls ~

I agree - too much time together can be a bad thing!


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
the hardest part of all of this is that my routine is was completely turned upside down. We went through extremely stressful situation with his employment & him being unable to work. To add to that stress our adult children moved back hm and we had a housefull of ppl. I fealt pushed aside and to the back. Everything that i use to do just disapeared lil by lil. I went into a severe depression and isolated myself. Ever since then i've been trying to get myself back to myself. I've been struggling with my self identity. Who am i? What am i suppose to do now? I'm starting by getting back into church and i looked into a fitness center that has exercise classes that i want to start doing. I think the classes is going to get my energy back & i'll be surrounded by other women i'm hoping to make friends with. Right now i have no friends. It's like my husband & i r too co-dedependant on eachother.
Kathi Taylor
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Yes it's very important for you to have a life outside of your house. Isolating yourself from others like that will cause depression. That's an excellent idea to get into an exercise class (or any class for that matter) where you can make friends with other women. GOOD LUCK

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

How difficult that had to be for you (and continues to be!).


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002

I have good idea how you're feeling except we don't have kids.I've been through similar with my husband being on disability and then having jobs on and off and me pulling most of the financial weight on top of him being around all the time.I wanted to rip my hair out especially since I grew up an only child and am used to being by myself.Fortunately things have changed with him having a steady job but like you,I don't have any friends and I hate like hell that I have to depend on him to do things and he doesn't like to dance.I discovered Zumba and I know its not the same thing as going out dancing but I feel it has filled part of a void that has been in my life for so long.It may be worth trying for you!

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Zumba is a great idea!!!


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
i'm sorry. I may have mispoke or miscomunicated that my grown children r still living with us. They have since moved out. They were moving in & out as if my hm was a hotel(that's wut it fealt like). But they are now moved out. We do see one of them daily since we babysit one of my grandchildren so one of my daughters can go to school. As for them living at hm, they moved out.
Kathi Taylor
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Zumba is a class that i want to start taking. There is a fitness club close to my hs that has sum exercise classes. All they hav is classes though. I wish they offerred other stuff like a reg gym does. But, i'm going to join as soon as i can. My biggest problem is i've gotten into the habit of being such a hermit that i hate leaving the hs. Just the thought of getting ready in order to leave the hs makes me start to hav panic attacks and anxiety. My comfort zone is my hm & i know i need to break that but it's hard for me.
Kathi Taylor

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