im jealous, nice to meet you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
im jealous, nice to meet you
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 11:17am
my boyfriend and i have been in a long distance relationship for 6 months, and together for 15 months. He has only one friend where he lives, a female, who he swears he never really hangs out with. He went out with her last night, but didnt tell me while we were on the phone together last night, but he did write an email yesterday from work in which he said he was going out with her, but i didnt check my email until today. I AM INFURIATED! i know im being irrational, but i cant help but be LIVID by this. He also told me that she is enganged, but has cheated multiple times on her fiance. Since me and my boyfriend are also having problems, im even more angry!!!! i just need someone to tell me how wrong im being! please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 11:22am
Here's one good sign: he didn't have to send you that email. He could easily hide it from you if he's with her- so at least he was honest. Don't flip out on him (unless you have good reason) or he'll hide it from you in the future- the next time he goes out with her.

I totally understand how you feel though. Long distance relationships are really hard. I can not deal with them myself. When are you going to be living in the same area again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 4:36pm
When you say he "went out with her", do you mean as friends or on a date? Or is that the problem, you don't know which? Are you supposed to be an exclusive couple? Has he given you reason to think that he'll cheat on you if the opportunity presents itself or has he been faithful? Remember that people only cheat for one reason: they WANT to. Do you feel you know him well enough after six months to know if he's the cheating type? How much time do you spend together, if it's a long-distance relationship? Lots of blanks in this post. If the two of them are just friends who grab a pizza sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. Since he sent you an e-mail ahead of time, it doesn't sound like he's trying to keep anything from you, I think that's an important point. The fact that you didn't find his e-mail until after the fact is pretty much out of his control. Since he did SEND that e-mail, he wasn't trying to hide anything, right? If the two of you are having problems getting along to begin with, why don't you just sit down and talk this out? Face to face, not on the phone. Wouldn't you rather know where you stand and what this woman means to him? If she's engaged and cheats on her fiance, she's a piece of work, in my opinion. You seem to imply you believe there's more to their relationship than meets the eye.