I'm not needy!
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| Mon, 04-17-2006 - 1:14pm |
It's a long story, but I'll try to compress it. Basically my boyfriend and I have been through many hurdles, those of which had to do with his addiction to Amphetamines and his depression issues which ultimately led to a breakdown, which ultimately led to him going off to a treatment center for 8 weeks. We did end up breaking up because he was supposedly going to go to a step-down treatment which would've been for 3 additional months..and he didnt want the pressures of a relationship hindering his recovery. It was a valid enough reason, although it was very painful to let go of someone that I had cared for and loved consistantly & selflessly. Anyway, the place turned out to be not right for him, so he came back home (to go through outpatient therapy here & begin his life again) thus wanting to continue our relationship. So we did. And to be honest, it's been the best it's EVER been. He's changed so much...we're so happy together. We're silly and fun, we do so many things together...Everything is fantastic..well almost. The other night, he completely blew me off and ended up hanging out with his friend...and did not call me. So, I gave hima lot of grief about that... not in a nasty way.. but in a way he knew that he screwed up. He felt VERY terribly about what he'd done. A few days go by and things are fine. Yesterday we made plans to go to the mountains and catch the sunset.. He calls me a few hours later and says..."Oh my friend wants to go to the batting cages, I figured since I'm telling you this, it will be okay." Needless to say, I was UPSET. It's almost as if he doesn't understand common courtesy! He claims that we spend soooo much time together, and he doesnt want to lose track of his friends now ...but is he losing track of me? Yes, we hang out a lot..but if you make plans stick to them right? What is a decent way to talk to him about all of this and tell him how hurt I felt? What is a FAIR way...of going about this? I don't want to be a catty person or bitter..cause I love him, and this is minor, but I want to be fair to the both of us.
Okay, we just spoke..and I told him that he did really hurt me yesterday and he said it's just so hard because we always seem to have plans and his friend only has limited times he can hang out because of his work schedule. Can anyone suggest a better way to manage his time? I told him I hate feeling like he thinks im needy and I demand his attention because I don't.
I can see his point of view... we DO see each other lots. But I told him he wouldn't blow off his friend for me, and he said, "You're probably right." So I think he's understanding where I'm coming from. I just want to be fair.. He says his friend is really spontaneous and has limited days he can/wants to hang out. What could I suggest?

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi,
This is your ironbutterfly. I think what i am getting is that you guys live with each other, right? so you guys spend a fair amount of time with each other. Well my suggestion is to do what many people fail to do in a relationship.... have your own seperate identity, do not loose track of yourself, and no its not selfish, he still has his identity, it's hard to do because he's having trouble doing so himself. Get a few of your friends together and make plans instead of with him the some of the time. Yes you can do this, it's simply dividing yourself with your relationship you are still one. Believe me your identity and your relationship can still work together. Not wishing any bad but if your relationship were to end, you would still want to have your identity and if you don't that's how total breakdowns occur. Basically you don't want to have lived your time through your relationship because if you don't have yourself in the end who will you have?
Hi...
No we do not live together-anymore. We decided after he got treatment to not live together again for at least six months. But I see what you're saying. Thank you.
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