I'm not sure of his motives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
I'm not sure of his motives?
13
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 6:21pm

I had an affair with an old friend from high school via facebook.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 7:45pm

What are you doing to boost his self-esteem back up? In what ways are you helping him to feel like he's the right man for you?

Normally I'd say that a person's feelings are his/her own responsibility, but when you break someone's trust and confidence so thoroughly, you need to play a big part in helping your partner to believe you really love him and give him concrete reasons why an affair couldn't, and wouldn't, happen again.

I'm not sure how long ago all of this happened, but I can't be sure your husband has had sufficient time to process and grieve the infidelity.

I think his behavior makes more sense than you want to believe. He's a man whose confidence is shaken and is testing you to see if you might agree that someone else would be better for you.

I truly hope you can help your husband to feel like he's a wonderful person who you love and admire and respect.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 1:13am

Ajayceegirl, you posted about your relationship last week, and last year too:

dh on the verge of a breakdown


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 8:48am

I didn't see those other posts. Thanks for the info, 2nd_life... I always regret responding to a post when there is so much more to the story that is unsaid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 9:53am

he does have some serious emotional issues... this has been pointed out many times in counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 10:49am

On top of everything, I will be honest, he sounds extremely manipulative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:39am

I hate to be so blunt but your DH is really messed up and no matter what you do, you can't fix him or the marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 2:12pm

He is the poster child for manipulative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 7:11pm
Your husband sounds like he is addicted to the chemical that's released by sex or he has a chemical inbalance relating to the processing of these chemicals. It doesn't sound like therapy is working and if you only have a few sessions left, then its apparent you have been going for a while. Have you looked into chemical inbalances?

Two other thoughts occurred to me reading your posts; 1) maybe he is having an affair or 2) he is trying to drive you crazy so you leave. No offense, but this story sounds almost too absurd to even be true? Have you gone to mismatched libidos?
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 1:22am

DH is right, this is not his problem, it's your problem.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 2:57am

dragowoman

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