im really kinda confused please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
im really kinda confused please help
5
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:38am
i am a male and i have been with my girlfriend now almost 4 years and our relationship has been fantastic, she's a wonderful person a fantastic lover and my best friend. Recently she asked me to download a movie so that she could watch it having read the book so i downloaded it and put it onto a CD for her, took it upto her house and played it in her computer, it was not the movie i had meant to download but pornography under the same title. i immeadiately switched it off and apologised to her and explained i had not checked the file before putting it on the disc. she said it didnt matter and that maybe we should watch it together anyway. we did this and both became aroused and had fantastic sex while the film was still playing, she asked me to leave the disc there so we could watch it another time and i agreed this was about 4 months ago. Since then my girlfriends sex drive seemed to dwindle away and recently i found out this was due to her watching the pornography and masterbating to it, and we have had very little sex since and she has not seemed to be into it as she used to be when we have. in the last few days she has started to talk about why she prefers to masterbate than have sex and it is due to one of the porn scenes that has become somewhat of a fantasy that she wishes to fulfil. We spoke for a while over the last few days about this fantasy and that it is that she wants 3 way sex with another guy, i have told her that i donot think this is a good idea as 3way's sometimes break up relationships and she has tried to bribe me with 3way sex with another girl. I dont want to seem selfish but i donot agree with her 3way sex fantasies. i want to please her in every way possible but i dont think i will be able to do this. She is trying to convince me into doing it but i dont think i want to but she wont accept that i think its a bad idea. what should i do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:19am
Well, I am really embarrassed to say this but I think I must for your sake.
When I got with my DH he was a virgin, & I wasn't. Well, he always said how much it bothered him & that he wanted to have a 3-some with another woman.
Well, we talked about it alot & set up rules , but I never really thought we would.
Well the rules were that it had to be even! If he did a girl then I was going to do a guy. But the catch is he wanted me to be in the room through the whole thing & i wanted to leave the room b4 he had actually sex with "the other woman".
There is no way you can live with yourself after watching the person you love get "screwed" by another man! You will think about it all the time & wonder if he was better or one big thing is if they liked it he might try to sneak around with her & them have sex without you.
Why don't you & her fantasise that you have another person in the room doing things to her. Tell her to close her eyes & imagine that there is another man pleasing her with you. Or go out & buy porn that has 2 men doing 1 woman & yall "enjoy" the video together.
Don't get me wrong I think that she should do things for you too & if you put forth the effort to try these new things with her she should pay back the favor.
But let me worn you, I have been right where you are. And I would hate for you to have to live with what I live with everyday in my head!
Hope I could help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:54pm
your message has said a lot to me and confirmed what i was most concerned about and thats basically how would i feel afterwards, i thank you for your honesty i will talk to my girlfriend in more depth about this topic and will try to find a suitable and acceptable comprimise on both parts
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 4:29pm
If she's using porn to replace you, then your relationship is in trouble.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:33pm

"what should I do."

Eject her perverted ass from your life immediately. Your "wonderful" girlfriend just revealed a critically important aspect of her character. You would be foolish to downplay it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 1:07am

If a three-some is not something you feel is right it is absolutely something you not should do. I agree 100% that it will only cause problems in your relationship, which will result in its demise. I also think if you go through this "for her" or "to save your relationship" you'll do so at the cost of your beliefs, your values and your morals. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but you've demonstrated that this is not something you want or feel is right, that means it's against your morals, principles and values. You will not be able to undo the act once it's done, but you'll always have to live with yourself having done something you don't believe is right. It's not worth the lifetime regret. If your girlfriend was any kind of person she would honor your belief and not ask you again. The fact that she's pushed and tries to convince you tells you she's not interested in how you feel about, your morals, your beliefs, your principles and she doesn't care that you'd compromise what you believe in. She selfishly only wants what she wants, she shows no care or consideration for you.

Honestly? You need to tell her the fact that this is the kind of situation she wants to find herself in tells you quite clearly that you are too far apart in your basic beliefs to stay together. Let her go free so she can find someone who's moral fiber is the same as hers. Threesomes might be fine for her, and that's her choice and right to choose, but it's not right for you. What more needs to be said?










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"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








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