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|Thu, 06-12-2003 - 12:45pm|
My husband and I have been together for over 5 years now but married only 3-1/2. From the beginning his parents have loved me and accepted me immediately into the family. It took a while for his brother (who he is very close to) and SIL to come around but eventually they did. His sister and I have always gotten along.
Well...several months ago I began to have some issues with my husband and our marriage. I wasn't happy and didn't know what to do. My husband is very anal about things and I'm very laid back. I always felt like I had to walk around on eggshells or he would get upset. Naturally, this wasn't healthly. This was a very hard time for both my husband and I but we've been to counseling and have learned to communicate with each other and things have gotten so much better. We're actually happy.
However, during the difficult time, my husband shared a lot of details about our problems with his brother and SIL. He even forwarded emails I wrote to him about my feelings and concerns to them "to gain insight". The email replies he rec'd from the SIL were very negative about me. Keep in mind, no one in his family EVER asked me about our situation. My SIL said she never liked the way I talked to my husband...and I can't figure out what she means by that. I'm not one to yell, belittle, or say anything negative about (or to) my husband. One day I found a check my MIL wrote to my husband for a divorce attorney. That hurt. Yes, we had problems but it had only been a month. Everyone in his family cut off ties to me.
I even sent a nice email to my SIL trying to salvage our relationship. The response rec'd back was horrible. She stated that I didn't respect my husband and a bunch of other untrue things. I was devestated. His sister and I were emailing back and forth but she to has stopped. When his mom calls our house and I answer she talks to me for a second then gets off the phone.
I've talked to my husband several times about this situation. He says that they are hurt and are afraid I'll hurt him again. Ok, I can understand that. He says that I need to do everything to rectify the situation. This is where I have a major problem. The marriage problems were between my husband and I. They were issues WE had to deal with. I decided to be completly honest with my husband in regards to the feelings and issues I felt we had in our marriage. I can understand his need to talk to someone but he shared way to many details with his family. He understands that sending my emails to his SIL was wrong, but that's where it ends. I've taken the steps to go over to SIL house for dinner w/hubby and try to be nice to her. She won't say a word to me and won't even look in my direction.
I recently graduated college and no one in his family (except his mom) even told me congratulations. I used to get emails from them w/pictures of my niece and nephew and that has stopped. I asked my hubby about this and he said they got confused about my email address. My email address hasn't changed in over 2 years. I would still send them pictures (my graduation for example) using email and they still couldn't hit the reply button to say congrats or send back any type of response. This really hurt because my going back to school and graduating is a big deal to me.
I'm not blaming anyone for this sitation. I take responsibility for my actions but don't really feel they were wrong as I needed to say what had to be said to my husband. Yes, I could have handled the overall sitation a little differently but I'm not sure the overall outcome would have been much different. My husband and I would still be hurt. It's not like I ever said I didn't love him, regretted getting married, or wanted a divorce. That never entered my mind.
So, any advice? I'm honestly at the point where I don't care and I don't want to be there. I'm not sure if over time things will change for the better.
Thanks for listening and for giving me any insight into this situation.