Insecurities! Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Insecurities! Help!
4
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 5:50pm
What can cause such insecurities in a relationship?? My boyfriend is a very honest person, he has NEVER given me any reasons not to trust him, but for some reason I am very insecure. I've done some very embarrassing things but by the time I open my mouth it's too late and he's upset that I've come up with crazy things and then I am left feeling stupid for jumping to conclusions. Like the other day I get on the computer at our house and he's got a password to get in so i'm wondering why the password? then i look over and see his thing of hand lotion that he uses so i ask him if he's doing gross things at the computer that he doesn't want me to see LOL. that is soooo stupid and who the heck comes up with that except me?! then last night i was gonna go with him to his cousins baseball game but my best friend needed to get out of the house so he told me i should just go with her and he'd see me at home and i got upset and took it as he didn't WANT me to go with him and he was pushing me away when he really just knew i'd have more fun with my friend. why oh why do i always think negative and the worst about things when i know i have a great guy?! any ideas, i know i'm driving him nuts! thanks :P
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 6:24pm

Hand lotion at the computer? Well it sounds fairly suspect to me (grin). But even if he is having a little fun at the PC, if your sex life is healthy - then it's really of no concern. He may want to be a little more discreet and put the hand cream away after though ;-)

To be honest, if I were you, the first thing I'd be working on is learing to engage your brain before your tongue. I've had to do the same thing over the years - it's not easy and sometimes I forget, but it's so worth it.

Even if you think these things, try counting to ten before you say it. With any luck, you may be able to hold it back and find reason.

Though of course, if the comment is important or justified, then DON'T hold it back! Just learn to hold back the dumb, thoughtless stuff.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 12:07am

Welcome to the board Kelly, it sounds like you're insecure in the relationship. I have some questions that will help me know what way to go with this, I hope you don't mind helping me out:


  • Are you usually insecure in relationships or is it just this one?
  • How long have you been together?
  • Does he do things that cause you to feel insecure or unsure of where you stand with him? If so, what does he do?


    Thanks in advance, I'll be checking back for your answers~







  • ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    when you don't get what you want."

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-22-2004
    Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:30am
    Thanks for replying! We have been together about a 1 1/2 years. At the beginning of the relationship I was very secure and had no doubts but the last few months I've gotten worse. I have been like this in just about every relationship I've been in. The last relationship I was in before my current one ended because I found out he had been cheating on me, so I wonder if this has a lot to do with my developing insecurities. He has never really done anything to make me feel this way, I feel like I try to find things and sometimes dig to find questions to ask him. Maybe I'm trying to find something? But why??
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:19pm

    Since you've grown more insecure as relationships progress in almost every relationship you've been in, I don't see how your most recent ex's cheating could be the cause; obviously it didn't help, but it didn't start your insecurities either.


    It seems pretty clear that you've got some long-standing issue going on, and, since it continues to be a problem for you in every relationship, it's having a pretty significant affect on your life. I think it's time to see a therapist to take a look at the root of this issue and work through it so you can continue your life without it. I doubt you want to continue to go through this same pattern of feelings over and over again. What do you think?







    ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    when you don't get what you want."

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"