Intimacy problems. PLEASE help!
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Intimacy problems. PLEASE help!
| Fri, 06-02-2006 - 12:47pm |
This is my first time posting to any website so I'm a little nervous. I'm 31 years old and in a truly great 4 year relationship. But when it comes to intimacy we're struggling. I know for me that my body image is a big issue. I've never felt comfortable with myself. I'm about 15 pounds overweight which I know to some is a joke but to me it's enough to make me hate being intimate. I don't know what his deal is. I think he's probably reacting to my anxiety over the issue. And don't get me wrong, he's amazing, he never complains. But I know he's thinking about it and I'm scared it will be the downfall of our relationship. I just want to know if it's normal for a women to not want to have sex very often? I think if I know other women feel similar I can let go of the idea that I'm some sort of freak. I love him so much and I would hate to look back on my life and think that sex is the reason we didn't make it. I feel like a virgin again. Not knowing what to do or how to do anything. When we are intimate its usually pretty clumsy. What's wrong with me?

aec31,
Some would say (and I guess I am one of them) that the best sex to have is clumsy or bad sex. Why?? Because you and your partner can laugh about it. Not all couples have perfect sex all the time.
As for your body issues are you currently on a meal and workout plan to shed those 15 pounds?? To dig alittle deeper though even if you did loose the weight do you think you would suddenly want to have sex more often?? Have you always been this way with all your relationships?? Was there something that happened earlier in your life that maybe caused this?? Sure body image can be a turn off, but sometimes I think it's taken more as an excuse then a real reason.
*Warning possibly too much infor ahead*
When DH and I got together I was 107lbs, when we got married I was 118lbs, now 3 months later I'm at 126lbs. Unfortunately for me it's not really a "fit" 126lbs, there's wobbly bits all over the place and my butt and thighs could pass for a cottage cheese ad. I actually have a gut and back fat that hangs over pants. I hate it, I look in the mirror and want to purge, BUT I still don't feel so ashamed that I don't want DH to see me. Luckily for me I have my 10 year High School Reunion coming up in August and that's going to be the motivation for me to get fit. I don't care if I stay 126lbs, because muscle weighs more the fat, I just don't want to be wobbly everywhere anymore and I want a bit of a flatter stomach.
I'll be waiting for your answers.
Defleppardgal
Defleppardgal
I wrote this long response to you, then re-read your post and realized I wasn't clear on several issues. I'm hoping you'll clear these up for me so I can know whether what I was thinking applies to your situation or not.
Thanks in advance for your answers, they'll help me know whether what I'm thinking even makes sense to your situation or not!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I don't know what his deal is. I think he's probably reacting to my anxiety over the issue. And don't get me wrong, he's amazing, he never complains. But I know he's thinking about it and I'm scared it will be the downfall of our relationship.
Have you had a discussion with him, has he said he wants sex more frequently?