It hurts, and I shouldn't let it.
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| Tue, 01-09-2007 - 2:13pm |
BF and I are technically over. We are in the process of waiting for a plan so he can move out. No one knows, we are the happy couple to everyone including our kids.
So yesterday I saw a few e-mails from him to his son's mother's sister. She invited him to a party, and is asking on whether he is going. Keep in mind that SS's mom lives with her sister and she despises me. SS mom, not only doesnt want to pick up SS for her weekend but wants to drop off her other kid too (because of the party). I asked him about the party, (he doesnt know i saw the e-mail, it was on his screen and I peeked) and whether or not he was invited, joking around with him. He acted surprised. As if it was the first he heard of them having a party. Responded surprised as well. His response in the e-mail was that if there were going to be any hotties there? and if he wanted to go he would, he didnt need permission.
Now I know we are kind of over, but talking like this and to the sister of the witch? That hurts, and him keeping it from me. Not being honest about it. Also, the witch herself, sends him e-mails saying how she knows he loves her, and closes them with, love you much etc.
I can't stop crying. I am so hurt by all of this. He claims innocence. What a load of crap. I hate him, I wish I could.

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I agree, however like I stated before a legal attempt at custody will not be made, I know that for a fact. And as for BM putting up a fight over it? I dont think it possible. She will welcome the idea with open arms.
Bio dad is out of state right now, he is in Alaska with his marine wife. I have it on good authority that he saw child on a regular basis when he was here, however now that he is out there it would be a lot easier on BM to just send child to my Boyfriend. Bio dad believes that the only reason my boyfriend is still in the picture is because of his child's brother (SS). He has no idea that bio mom makes all these scenes to send his kid our way, or that his child still calls BF dad etc... In his opinion, child thinks he is his only dad and realizes that he is his real dad. Oh and get this, his BM is "nice" he says. She lets him see and pick up child whenever he pleases.
Who knew that BM was capable of being nice. on another note Boyfriend refuses to find any of this out. He just doesnt care about bio dad period. I have on several occasions asked him to put himself in bio dad's shoes. What if someone tried to pull this over you and your son? He just brushes it off as impossible.
Basically I think that the reason he hasnt started bringing kid over already is me. But then again, who knows.
If the boy's bio dad will object, how is this even an issue?
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Yes. The fact that ss lacks the attention deserved when his brother is around is part of the issue..along with others.
Would the bio dad object? who would know? BM would not say anything and boyfriend just doesnt care what he thinks or does. BF is just closeminded to bio dad's rights and feelings.
If notified, yes i think bio dad would object. But how would he know, really? All this crap has been going on for years and bio dad says BM is "nice" so obviously he is clueless of her wretchedness.
If I understand correctly are you saying accept it? push him to do something about it and in a way force him to see the truth about bio dad and his relationship with his son? So that there is no longer an issue?
I have to say knowing bio dad is a known quotient and a player in this puts this in a different light. I understand not having a legal custody agreement, but when you're looking to take physical custody of a child that's not yours without the consent of the bio dad who is involved, it makes this whole thing completely illogical and poorly thought out to say the least. Is your boyfriend usually pretty level headed and straight thinking? It seems to me that while he may like the idea of taking the boy in, without first contacting bio dad for his approval, none of this is more than a pipe dream. I mean, if he wants this to happen (with or without you) he first needs to figure out whether it's feasible by talking to bio mom and bio dad about it. Depending on their answer, he may be able to move forward, and it may be that his idea has to be trashed. If I understand you right, that he's considering taking the boy without the bio dad's knowledge or approval, he's putting the boy in a position to have his emotions messed with and to be confused and hurt.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Yes, that is what has been going on. BM and BF and BF family all say ; oh your dad _____so and so. Then there is bio dad and his family and I assume Bio Mom "oh your dad ____so and so. This kid is being messed with big time. BM has him and his brother trained to not saying anything about bio dad to my Boyfriend. Anytime something related to him may come up they quiet up and change the story. For example a few weeks ago SS asked that we go to magic mountain. when asked why he wanted to go, he responded because my little brother went so I want to go. When pursued ...well why didnt your mom pick you up too, to take you. his response was... oh he didnt go with mom.. who did he go with? your uncles or aunts could have picked you up you are right down the street from them... OH no it wasnt my uncle or i mean yes it was but he lives far... change subject.
He only has 2 uncles and the live within 5 miles of us. Well I have seen pictures of SS's brother in magic mountain with his dad (bio dad). Thing is both BM and boyfriend would not think of or even consider asking bio dad period. BM is so sneaky that she would somehow arrange to send SS's brother to bio dad on her weekends just so he wouldnt suspect a thing. To her feelings and honorabilty are not in her vocabulary.
As for boyfriend being level headed? NO. he doesnt think things through and like I said..if he did think of bio dad there is nothing he will do about it.
My first thought is that when this first came up your first response should have been "Get the bio dad's agreement and we'll talk", thereby forcing the issue and likely resolving it. If the bio dad agreed, you'd still be able to refuse. My second thought is, if this is typical of your boyfriend, rash decisions that aren't thought through, how can you have any kind of shared decision-making?
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
some things he thinks through others he refuses to, such as this. To him, per bio mom and kids etc, He is the only dad in the picture. BM tells him that she doesnt let his real dad in the picture (lie) as well as child feels "strange" when in the company of strange people such as bio dad and his family. He also refuses to ask about bio dad to any of the kids. I am not saying that BF would deliberately go out of his way to not let bio dad know. He would just not be one to talk to him period. If anything it would be bio mom doing all of this. because how will she explain to BF that bio dad has been seeing his son. and taking him to magic mountain, knotts etc. How would she explain guilting BF into taking in child when she wants to go out and bio dad either wasnt available or wasnt his weekend? How would she explain years of lieing again?
In BF eyes, he is the only dad and therefore needs no permission from anyone. Reality is that it is not the case. If I open BF eyes, he thinks I am just being negative and because of my opinions see things that aren't there. Every time I make reference to her abuse or crap he says...how come you always think negative and blame her for everything. Excuse me but all this crap is her fault!! This weekend for example, Bio dad in Alaska as I said previously...She had a party and all week she bugged BF for him to take care of her son and she would pick both boys up Sunday (by the way it was her weekend with SS) BF said no way and stuck to his guns...well she refused to pick up SS even sunday. She called and said i will be there at 2 pm. 2 pm came and went and she called asking BF to drive him down to her sisters house a few miles away. SS was already dressed and ready. BF said no, you come and pick him up like you promised him, she refused. Then BF tells her, fine you tell your son then and hands the phone to him. SS then proceeds to ask why and such and asks BF to pleeeeeease drop him off because his mom has no $$ for gas and her daughter has no diapers and she has a headache... BF holds his ground a bit longer...after a couple of these pleaseeeee scenarios. SS gives up and goes to the bedroom. Finally I tell BF to just take him, he really wants to see her. And he does, Oh and get this BM tells SS to take all his money because they may go to Disney on Ice (no money for gas and no diapers hmmmm makes you wonder)
As far as the incident you described, why did you get involved? And why push your boyfriend to cave? I don't get this. You complain that she pushes him around, but you help her do it. Complaining afterward about money for Disney On Ice, etc., perfect time to say to your boyfriend, "How is it they can afford Disney On Ice but can't afford gas or diapers?" Further, you have no right to complain about it when you pushed him to cave into her.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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