Is it me, or is it him???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Is it me, or is it him???
6
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 1:40pm

Here's a little background: I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months now. We met through work, and have somewhat of an unconventional relationship because I am in my early 20's and he is in his early 50's. I know this is kind of odd, but everyone who knows both of us thinks we are really well matched and it didn't come as any surprise that we ended up together. I've met his parents and he's met mine, and he is very nice to me. I practically live at his house (I maybe go to my apartment once every two weeks or so), he always cooks for me, he buys me little gifts frequently, and is very considerate when it comes to calling nightly if he's out of town. I love him very much and know he loves me too.

The problem: He never compliments me. Now, I know this doesn't sound like a very big problem, but for me it kind of is because of this "manly" behavior he loves to exude. I'm not ugly -- I certainly don't have the perfect body and am no beauty queen, but I get frequent attention from strangers and get asked out often, so I can't be half bad. Plus, I try to look attractive for him: I take time to carefully put

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 2:25pm
jessiejohnson wrote:

Here's a little background: I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months now. We met through work, and have somewhat of an unconventional relationship because I am in my early 20's and he is in his early 50's. I know this is kind of odd, but everyone who knows both of us thinks we are really well matched and it didn't come as any surprise that we ended up together. I've met his parents and he's met mine, and he is very nice to me. I practically live at his house (I maybe go to my apartment once every two weeks or so), he always cooks for me, he buys me little gifts frequently, and is very considerate when it comes to calling nightly if he's out of town. I love him very much and know he loves me too.

The problem: He never compliments me. Now, I know this doesn't sound like a very big problem, but for me it kind of is because of this "manly" behavior he loves to exude. I'm not ugly -- I certainly don't have the perfect body and am no beauty queen, but I get frequent attention from strangers and get asked out often, so I can't be half bad. Plus, I try to look attractive for him: I take time to carefully put

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 3:33pm

So you know that he is not going to be a complimenter--could you live w/ this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 3:55pm
I love him very much and definitely don't want to lose him, as he is so wonderful in many other ways, so I'm not going to break up with him over something like this... I guess I'm wondering if I'm being too sensitive about his compliments with other women, while he holds them back when it comes to me, or if there is a way for me to get it across that this is really annoying, and a way we can solve it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 4:11pm

I'm in about the same age-gap relationship with my gf and that's one of the reasons that I do compliment her often when it's genuine and timely.

I know there's a guy her age around every corner trying to steal her away, even if just for the night, and I don't miss any opportunity to praise her

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 11:16pm

I think I would focus more on the fact that when he compliments other women, it makes you feel bad & insecure.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 2:50am

You've told him, he knows how you feel.


~ cl-2nd_life

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