Is it over when she says she needs time?
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| Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:13pm |
Two years ago myself and the most amazing woman I have ever met began dating. We fell in love quickly. I bought a house and we moved in together in the 5th month and the entire frist year was absoulutly amazing. We loved to with each other and had the most fun just being together. My little brother got divorced and had nowhere to go so I let him stay with us. he stayed for about 9 months putting a serious strain on our relashionship. Then he moved out but things did not return to normal. They were sort of hum-drum.
We are close to coming up to two years toghether, she goes to see some of her friends on monday and calls me to tell me how much she loves me and is happy with me. Friday she goes to a party and does not come home till seven. Gets up saturday and sees her parents the goes to another party and does not come home till 1pm sunday. From this party she text my mobile saying she loves me but is not in love with me. When i finally get to talk to her sunday she says its not me or any thing I did. She needs time or a break and is not even interested in anyone else. She refuses to try to work things out and says she is going to stay with her parents. She did not stay there though. She went over there then left about 8pm not telling them where she was staying and never came back here either.
What should I do? Is she ever coming back? She is all that is important to me and i am in love with completly. This hurts so bad not being together I dont know what to do. I can not eat or sleep and havent in 4 days. She is all to me.

I can feel the hurt in your message. As I was reading, my first thought was maybe she wants to KNOW that you want her back. But it seems that you've made her feel very loved. If that's the case, then, although I'm no relationship expert, I'd say give her the space.
Will she come back?...I can't say. But I CAN say that if you pressure her too much you may loose her forever.
I wish you 2 the best of luck!
Gosh, I'm sorry for the hurt you must be going through. She's not very emotionally mature, however, is she? I mean, to tell you that by TEXT MESSAGE??? That's terrible! I know you love her, but don't you deserve someone who is more emotionally together than that?
I think the best thing to do would be to tell her (at least by voicemail if she won't talk to you in person) that you love her and want to work things out, and then leave it in her court. But if she does come around, I'd insist on couples counseling at a minimum (and she most likely needs individual counseling as well).
In the meantime, you would probably benefit from some counseling yourself.
Sheri
I don't know what to tell you really, try to keep busy and try to think of other things. You will get over this in time, no matter how hard it is at this moment.
I know she said the standard lines about it's her not you, and that she isn't interested in anyone else, but that isn't how it sounds. If she's staying out all night every night now, that sounds like she might have met someone at the party. I'd be wondering if there was an old boyfriend who's suddenly back around or something. Or it could have been some random guy she picked up, and she might have figured she's not lying if she's not really interested in him long term.
Even if there's not someone else and she's staying out every night all night doing something else, these aren't normal actions at all. If she does decide she misses you, you should be insisting on counseling first, and should also be seriously thinking of making sure to use condoms in case she's picked up any STDs while she's been doing whatever it is she's doing lately.
It may not have been your brother's presence that caused problems; I've read studies that show live-together relationships often fall apart at the one year mark. It sounds like that's about where your relationship began to deteriorate.
It's tough if there were no problems that appeared to be that serious, no issues that she brought up routinely as trouble spots for her, and/or if you had no indication that there were issues and problems that needed attention. Clearly, you were taken completely off guard by this. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself, seeing a counselor/therapist would be helpful to you during this time. It won't be easy, but you will get through this. Stay in contact with friends and family, keep busy so you don't have time to dwell on her. Having her gone from your life after having been an everyday part of it is hard, it'll take time to heal.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"