Is it possible to be too good for my own good?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2012
Is it possible to be too good for my own good?
18
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 11:28am
Ladies please chime in on this one. My question is do you think its possible for your man to be too perfect of a partner? I ask this question to see if i maybe need to change my behavior. I am in a 2 plus year relationship. I am extremely good to me girlfried and she is to me, however i very often hear her say things like "well i guess you are a better person that i" and she means it when she says it, but also sounds very synical at the same time. Like she is somewhat annoyed that i am always doing the "right" things. I am very nice all the time, its just who i am, i am very understanding, and considerate all the time. If there is something that she expresses bothers her about my behavior, i change it. Do little nice things all the time, back rubs, shop with her, do all the cooking, and am damn good at it. Cleaning chores ect.. I listen, take her out for special nights, my appearance and grooming is as flawless as i can make it. Think of things that she would like or want that she cant think of herself, i make good money, so i am always offering to pay for things when we go out, but dont insist on it. I make her laugh so much, always let her know where i am and what i am doing, never forget to call, ect.. Basically i treat her as in a way that i would love to be treated, but not necessarily expect to be treated.
The question is, could having a boyfriend who is too "perfect" for lack of a better word, because lord knows i am not close to a perfect person, but i do try and be a perfect boyfriend, make a girl resentful? Or feel inadequate about themselves? We have a great relationship, im not too worried about anything really, just been noticing lately that she seems a to be mentioning more lately that i always do whats right. Like there is no opportunity to nag, or complain about anything that i do, and almost lime she wishes there was. Thought it would be an interesting discussion topic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 1:39pm

I'm sure all the women who have been in terrible relationships would be lining up at your door to find a really nice guy so I don't know why she is complaining,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2012
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 1:56pm
I get what you are saying. But in terms of life outside the relationship i am by know means always right, or doing the right thing. I speed, miss bills from time to time, and "fudge my taxes" when possible ect... Its strange, like if she comes home and will ask, could you help me with folding and putting away the laundry, and my reply is its already done, and she is happy about it, but almost telling me "quit showing off". When i am with someone, and really know them well my mind is very much in unision with their thoughts. And nothing makes me happier than making someone i love happy, or making things easier on them, and putting a little extra effort in to do something nice. And i usually know before she does what she wants, or even know better than she does what she wants. The only thing i can think of is that it may be a little tiring if she tries to "comppete" with me, but maybe doesnt feel she can? Sounds strange, but im just trying to figure it out. Ill probably just talk to her about it. One last example, is that we love to watch the newlywed game together, and play along at home. Often questions about whats your husbands most annoying habit, or what does he do that drives you crazy, or if you could change one thing about your husband what would it be. And she can never come up with an answer and she gets kind of pissy about it. LOL, and I must admit, i do put in lots of effort to try and make sure there is nothing more i could or should be doing, or nothing that i need ti change. Ive always thought this would be the right way to be to someone i love so much, but i have been cheated on before in a previous relationship, and the girl who cheated on me, had no idea why she did it, could not tell me a single thing i had done wrong, and was absolutely devistated when i left her for it, and has 3 plus years later still not gotten over it. I just hope the way i act in relationships doesnt some how lead my love to cheat, or whatever
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 2:14pm

Instead of 'too good,' I would phrase it as an inequitable exchange

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 2:14pm

I won't tell you that you are "too good" or "too nice" but it sounds more than anything like your girlfriend is a little insecure with the balance in the relationship.

My boyfriend is a lot like you. He isn't a saint but he is a great partner who treats me like a queen. From my experience... Sometimes if it would help if he could tell me things that he would like me to do for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2012
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 2:26pm
Interesting take. Thank you for the insight. I was sort of coming to the conclusion that maybe some if not most people maybe need something to complain about? Or something they wish would change or ups and downs to help enjoy the ups more? Instead of always only ups?
Thats almost the feeling i am getting from her, like just give me a little taste of something that i can be pissed at you for? Do you think there could be some truth to that? Do people maybe need some of that to be happy with their partner and themselves?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 2:32pm

Gopher, you are hitting the reply button on your own post so the rest of us have no idea who you are responding to. If you use the reply button at the bottom of the poster's box that you are responding to, that will solve the problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 5:25pm

>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 1:41pm

You need to let your gaurd down.

I get where you are coming from, you want to be a great boyfriend and attend to your SO.

But you need to be human too, and let your gaurd down.

To her, you are always "On", and that can be intimidating or overwhelming.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 4:37pm

Great advide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2012
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 5:49pm
What do i do if that really is who i am?

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