Is it right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
Is it right?
34
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 5:33am

I have been happilly married for the last 8 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 9:23am

I can't tell.

Why do you despise this woman? Do you really believe that they are having an affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 2:42pm

Hi, I'm not sure I understood what you meant. You said she stops for a coffee "with your husband" even when you're not there. Does this mean she's not a mutual friend and that she stops by to see your husband only? Will she stay for a coffee if it's just you there?

Anyway, I think I would find inconvenient (and annoying) to have someone come uninvited to my house every single day unless it was a very close friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 4:32pm
Just be honest. Call her and tell HER "sorry, but I'm just not comfortable with you stopping by having coffee with my H when I'm not there". Tell her to call and check if you are there before she comes to the boat. Sounds like she is a friend of both of yours right? If so she should (as another woman) respect your wishes and not do anything to rock the boat. Sorry, not making light of your situation, but just couldn't resist. : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 10:33pm

Welcome to the board, Herfordlass ~

I'm with Crab, I need more information before I can comment.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 8:19am

Hi all,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 8:25am
I forgot to add that I do not want to say anything to her other half as he would cut all ties with us, and therefore not do any more work for us. I do realise that this is selfish thinking but just wish she would disappear from my life. I cannot believe she does not notice my unhappiness with her being there along with my husband. She wears clothes that show her breasts and I am sure she wants more but maybe I am wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 8:48am

I hate to sound like I'm trivializing your situation, because it must be very frustrating, but sometimes in life we are faced with difficult people whom we cannot completely avoid. I wonder if by hating her, you are allowing her to have too much power over how you feel. People will be who they're going to be... Some people have strong, opinionated natures... Asking your husband to hate her as much as you do is probably not going to be successful.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 1:33pm
So the only issue is that she criticizes you when you are not around? Otherwise you would feel more charitable toward her? And your husband is OK with her doing that?

Have you just told her in front of your husband that she is not welcome on your boat?

Mark
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 2:14pm
So the issue is more about the fact that she is rude and criticizes you than it is about her having coffee with your husband? As upsetting as it can be when someone is rude and critical, I have to agree with undercovercrab here - she sounds kind of crazy and I would not put much stock in what she says anyway. Who cares what she says about you? She's crazy! Instead of hating her, learn to laugh at her. You say she "relishes in her actions" - does that mean you think she enjoys making you angry? And if so, wouldn't it be best to NOT give her what she wants by not getting angry and hating her? By allowing her to get to you, she has a lot a power over you. If you let go of that anger and laugh at her or brush her off as crazy, she no longer has that power over you.

At the same time, don't allow her to dominate you - if she's standing in front of the door, don't ask permission to enter your own home, just say "Excuse me! Thank you" as you push past her. Assert yourself and she may very well back down. I think you are expecting your husband to push this woman out of your lives but in reality, you have the power to put her in her place and change the dynamics of your relationship with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 1:19am

Thanks for the added information.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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