I have been happilly married for the last 8 years.
I can't tell.
Why do you despise this woman? Do you really believe that they are having an affair?
Hi, I'm not sure I understood what you meant. You said she stops for a coffee "with your husband" even when you're not there. Does this mean she's not a mutual friend and that she stops by to see your husband only? Will she stay for a coffee if it's just you there?
Anyway, I think I would find inconvenient (and annoying) to have someone come uninvited to my house every single day unless it was a very close friend.
Welcome to the board, Herfordlass ~
I'm with Crab, I need more information before I can comment.
I hate to sound like I'm trivializing your situation, because it must be very frustrating, but sometimes in life we are faced with difficult people whom we cannot completely avoid. I wonder if by hating her, you are allowing her to have too much power over how you feel. People will be who they're going to be... Some people have strong, opinionated natures... Asking your husband to hate her as much as you do is probably not going to be successful.
Thanks for the added information.