It's all about sex and only sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
It's all about sex and only sex
12
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 9:43pm

I've been married for almost 20 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 11:27pm
If my H woke me up in the middle of the nite and demanded oral sex I'd be sleeping in a different bedroom with the door locked. Demanding sex twice a day would feel more like sex that is forced on me and not enjoyable at all. I would seriously consider leaving him if all this doesn't stop. I mean crying himself to sleep if he doesn't get sex every nite is ridiculous. And it doesn't seem like the counseling is helping at all.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 12:21am

Welcome back, Ajayceegirl ~

I remember your previous post about your husband's emotional state:


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 3:06am
I cringed reading your post.

Why are you still there? Kids? Finances? I didn't see any reasons in your post, so I was wondering....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 11:19am

Basically your DH is emotionally blackmailing you - it just happens that he's using sex where someone else could use something else to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 1:02pm

Oh my goodness, no wonder you hate sex.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 2:24pm

I would also add that it is no wonder you had an emotional affair, you are not getting any of your emotional needs met at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 5:30pm

Yes, he wonders all the time WHY I had an affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 9:32pm

Don't be sure that you would get less in support (alimony) because you cheated on him once.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 12:00am

It seems to me he's not the only one who has something to hold over one's head.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 7:27am

When you say you just want him to "knock it off" I think you're looking at this behavior as something he chooses to do. What you really don't like is his personality. Sure you like him sometimes - If he was always abusive to you, 24-7, you'd be gone by now, wouldn't you? But the person he is after you have sex... Well, that isn't the person he IS.

So he can't just "knock it off" because "this BS" is who he is. Everyone can temporarily act like a different person, but I don't think you're willing to accept that the behavior you hate is not possible to extract. It's ingrained in him and no amount of logic or self-awareness will make him automatically change. He doesn't really want to change, and as long as that is the case, he won't.

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