Jealous of nothing

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Jealous of nothing
12
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 7:00pm
I've been with my boyfriend for eight months now, and its great. I love him so much, and we both feel that we're going to be together forever. Ever since I've known him, I've known that all but one of his best friends are girls. I've met all of them, and they are all really cool. I love hanging out with them all. The problem is that whenever he goes out alone with one of them, I start feeling really jealous. I know that nothing's going on, because I trust both him and the girls. I try really hard not to feel this way, because I really don't think anything's going on, but I can't help it. And I'm afraid to say anything to him because I'm afraid he'll get mad at me for being jealous of nothing. What should I do to stop feeling this way everytime he hangs out with his friends?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 1:09am

For me, Princesslaura, often when I realize the reason that I have an issue with something is the first step in resolving it. Once you know what you have a problem with you recognize it when it comes up, can look at it realistically (instead of emotionally like you do before you know what's up) and really make some moves towards ending the problem. I do think though, you should give yourself a little bit of a break, you seem to be saying here that you've realized your problem is with his female friends, but since you said it bothers you when he goes out with his gay friends, that takes the sex thing out of it. Sounds more like maybe the issue is you don't like others having that kind of attention from him, male or female. And if that's what it is, some of that could relax up with time. In the beginning of a relationship (eight months is still early) you're more prone to be wanting to be with them all the time, can't get enough of being around them, I think you know what I mean.


Anyway, from what you've said it sounds like you've got a great guy. He's upfront with you about seeing his female friends, you've met them, and you're invited along. Something else I read that really sounded like your relationship is appropriate and healthy is where you said the only time he doesn't invite you along is when you're with your own friends. Time apart, seeing friends, maintaining your own separate lives is sooo healthy and intelligent, but it's also something a lot of people don't do. That fact that you don't mention (and probably didn't even consider) asking him to give up his friends (which would be WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!) and recognize that since the problem is yours not his, you're the one who has to deal with it, not him. All of this is huge indicators of healthy people (you and him) with a good sense of self, respect for each other and appropriate, healthy thinking. With thoughts and actions like the ones you're showing here, I can't imagine you going anywhere but a positive direction in any relationship you have.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 1:52pm
Thank you so much cl-2nd life for that last message. It was really kind and made me feel really good about my situation. Thank you again for all your help!

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