Jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2010
Jealousy
3
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 8:27pm

Hi all, just to introduce myself quickly, my name's Adam, 28yrs old from Reading in the UK. I've been reading a bit and thought I would see if someone could give me some advice / opinions on my situation at the moment. I'm not one for discussing personal stuff usually but this is really getting to me so any help would be appreciated.

A bit of background on my situation first! I have been with my Girlfriend for close to two years now, she is 22 and is from the Prague in the Czech Republic. We met when she was in the UK for a year and started dating then kind of knowing it would be difficult when she went back to Prague to study at University. We have been realtively happy with this (although missing each other) situation as we see each other most months for at least a weekend. She stays with me in England for 3 months of her holidays and apart from that I have been visiting her for around a week in every 6 weeks. Anyway she was over here for the summer and went back at the beginning of October to start her new term at University

The problem I have (I don't know if it is me) is that she goes out a lot drinking and partying. I am happy with this and really dont mind. I ob viously worry about other guys and I have told her about it. I am really quite happy with her going out, she is very attractive so I know guys will be chatting her up in bars and clubs. She is somewhat naive in what she thinks goes on and think all guys just want to be friends. I kind of explained that is not very likely but I understand that she will get chatted up and said I really dont mind that this will happen and I'm happy for her to chat to guys as long as it goes no further. A couple of times she has told me that some guys were chatting to her and that she ended up going on to some other clubs with a guy. I really wasn't happy about that and told her that I wasn't. Anyway, since she has gone back this time, she went out about a month ago and met an American guy who she got along well with. She told me about this and that she spent a while talking to him that night. She has only just told me that she also gave him her contact details and has gone out with him a few times. The first time he tried it on with her but she said no. She now wants to keep going out with him as she likes him but I really don't like this.

Is this just me being jealous? Should I not mind about her meeting random people and agreeing to go out on her own with them? He has invited her to a party at someones flat with him and she does not know anyone else there and I am really not happy about it.

I really worry that he is trying to get with her... She does drink quite a lot and can get very drunk and I am worried that he will take advantage or something will "accidently" happen.... Am I wrong in worrying about it? Do you think I am just overeacting or being overprotective expecting her not to go out with random guys on her own? I kind of think that if you are in a relationship you just don't meet a new guy/girl in a club and go out with them. I think it is not so good that he took her out and tried it on with her - he clerarly thought it was a date and even if he knows she has a boyfriend now it wont stop him wanting her. She usually tells me everything, as you can tell from her telling me the stuff above, but did not tell me this for a while as she knew I would be upset.

I have told her that I am not happy about it but she says he is just a friend and that she will go to the party with him.

I really don't know what I should do. I worry that she really does like him and if I keep complaining or having a go at her about it then it will put her off me and make him seem more attractive. If I tell her not to go she might go anyway and just not tell me.

Sorry about the length of the post but thought I would give a full picture. Thanks for any replies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
In reply to: dazeuk
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 9:09pm

Hi Adam,

Even though you two are only 6 years apart in age,

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In reply to: dazeuk
Sat, 12-11-2010 - 3:45am

Welcome to the board, Dazeuk ~

I understand being upset and yes, you're right, it's most likely that she will become attracted to one of these guys and end up going out with him.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2010
In reply to: dazeuk
Sat, 12-11-2010 - 4:25am

Hi and thanks for the replies - even if they're not really what I wanted to hear!

The problem is that I really don't want to split up with her and personally I don't actually want to date other people. If I go out, I tend to not enjoy myself if I'm not with her. I'll often go home early to chat to her online through Skype e.t.c. rather than stay out. I think that the point about her being the age that she needs to do these things is a good point, it just really makes me unhappy. Ok we don't see each other very often but we do talk for hours every day and when we do see each other we are together for at least 5 days and spend all that time togehter. This is probably more communication and time together than a lot of couples who work full time - just in gaps.

The trouble - and this is where my jealousy comes in, is that I don't want her to go out on dates with other blokes. I'm not too sure why she needs to go on these dates rather than just going out with her friends. As I said previously,I'm happy that she will chat to guys all she likes then as long as nothing else happens and that includes agreeing to dating them afterwards. If she needs the attention then she can get it there.

It has crossed my mind that she tells me things to make me jealous and see my reaction. She may well already have done more with guys that I don't know about. I have been pretty clear that because of the distance, a lot of our relationship is based on trust and if she did kiss another guy or go further then it would be over as I could never be comfortable with her going out again.

I guess from your replies that it is more my issue and I just have to deal with it and not expect her to have the same principles / feelings as me.