Jealousy or what ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2012
Jealousy or what ?
Sun, 01-15-2012 - 6:32pm

I've been going out with someone for the past 3 months and our relationship is great on every level, except for one issue. I have to say that this man is from Latin America, so maybe that's the cause of it. I also have to add that I'm not a flirt, I've been

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-15-2012 - 7:01pm

Sounds like he's obsessively jealous and possesive, and this is only 3 mths in. Not good at all. Believe me, if you ever married him this would get a lot worse.You would be his possession then. Beware of this kind of man. Next he'll be accusing you of cheating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 01-15-2012 - 10:49pm
Wow red flags. I am sorry but only three months in, a possessive jealous man needs to be dropped. As peaceyma says, this behavior gets worse... Not better. It is a blessing you got to catch it early before getting too invested.
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 4:54am
I agree with the others - these are major red flags. You've only been together 3 months and his jealousy, possessiveness, and paranoia will only continue to get worse as time goes on. He will begin to question where we've been and who you were with whenever you're not with him, constantly checking up on you. He may even follow you to keep tabs on you. If you don't answer your phone when he calls, you'll be verbally abused. He will likely snoop through your things. If you don't want to spend your life walking on eggshells, scared to even look at another man, much less talk to one in a completely platonic way, please get out now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 12:09pm

Your BF is a nut case and you need to break up w/ him now.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 1:34pm

Anytime someone has to adjust who they are because of someone else is not a good thing.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 12:19am
Anutalinda, this is very concerning behavior - huge red flags! First of all, this is a typical early sign of an abusive guy and that alone should have you running away from this guy. Secondly - and this is very important - at three months he is in the stage where he's trying to impress you; the relationship isn't set and secure, each of you is on your best behavior to show each other the best of yourselves. if this is how he acts during this stage, can you imagine how much worse is ahead???? Seriously, this is very concerning and yes, it will get MUCH worse.

You say the relationship is great except this, but really, you're staring at the ground to avoid him accusing you of flirting with other guys that you aren't even making eye contact with. "This" is causing you to change how you behave normally and completely changes how you're *allowed* to treat half the population - men. Anyone who pushes you to change how you act is someone to avoid, but someone who pushes you to change how you treat an entire sex is absolutely trying to get complete control of you and if you stay, he will. Saying the relationship is great except for this is like saying it's great except when he hits you, and quite honestly. I think if you continue with this guy, that's what's coming.

End it with him, but be prepared for him not going away as easily as he should. His statement about thinking about breaking up because of your flirting with the one guy was a threat intended to reel you in closer and to pressure you to change your behavior and get tighter in his control. When you tell him it's over he'll turn himself inside out to get back together. it may be in being extra sweet and promising change or it may be in telling you he's leaving and not coming back (this tactic is to make you fear he'll really go and chase after him), or a combination of both, flip-flopping from one to the other when the previous attempt doesn't work). You've shown him you have great promise of being someone who will obey his every demand as you're changing how you behave, so he won't walk away easily. Finding someone who will change to their demands is something an abuser looks for.

~ cl-2nd_life