jealousy-trust issue help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
jealousy-trust issue help
2
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 10:45pm
So Heres The Thing. I have Been "Together" With This Boy Randy For A Little Over A Month Now. Were Not Offically Like In A Relationship, But Its Everything Without The Absolute Final Statment Of Commitment, Which I Dont Want Right Now Because Of A Past Relationship. But Heres Where I Need Help. Him And I Both Come From Completely Different Worlds. Not Literally But He Was Raised In A Family Where Hes Aloud to Do Things Like Get Drunk Whenever Or Do Drugs, And Hes Been Around it His All Life. I Come From A Family Where I Have Been Pretty Much Sheltered From All Of It, And Its Not Okay. I Have Major Trust Issues Because I Got Cheated On By My Past Boyfriend Of A Year && A Half, Atleast 2 Times (That I Know Of) So Its Hard for Me To Trust Anything That Comes Out Of Anyones Mouth. I Have No Reason To Not Trust My New Guy But i cant Help But Want to Know What Hes Doing At All Times && Try to Shelter him From Everything Bad, Just Like I was. But I Cant Change People And I Know That.. So Im Going Away For 2 Weeks Monday. And Im Having A Hard Time Believeing That He`ll Be Faithful && Not Get Drunnk && Do Something He`ll Regret && I`ll Be Devistated About. Im Really Starting to Fall Way Too Hard For This Guy & I Dont Want this to end up like my last relationship did.Does Anyone Have Any Advice At All To Help Me Not Be So Jealous And Start Being able to Trust Him, Because thats what keeping Me && Him From being together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:14pm

Hon, while you're away he WILL get drunk and he might do drugs. If this is his lifestyle and what his friends do, you've got to accept this will happen when you're not around. Do you really imagine him sitting at home watching DVDs while you're away?

If you can't accept his lifestyle, move on and find someone with morals and ideals that are closer to your own.

As far as the cheating is concerned...if your new boyfriend has not given any signs of cheating you need to do counselling. If you can't trust anything that anyone says then you shouldn't be in a new relationship.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:31pm

I agree with Aisha completely. Do you approve of drinking and drugs? If not, this isn't the guy for you.


As far as your concern about cheating and the issues from your previous relationship go, you need to see a therapist asap to work on the issues that it left you with so that you can move on without it. Right now you're carrying the baggage and the issues you have from it along with you, and you'll continue to carry them into every relationship you have. The fact that your previous relationship is affecting your current relationship should tell you it's time to deal with those problems and get rid of them. Old stuff causing problems in new relationships isn't good. You deserve to have good relationships, sabotaging new relationships just makes new relationships bad and end. Don't let this ex continue to be a part of your life. Go see a therapist and get rid of him once and for all.







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when you don't get what you want."

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