Just could use an ear...
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|Wed, 09-07-2011 - 10:36am|
Been a long while since I've been on these boards. I thought posting might bring some calm to the turmoil in my heart. Just reading other's stories, and knowing I'm not alone during such a difficult time helps. Some backstory...I'm recently divorced. Was married just over 5 years...was with him for 11. We had our share of problems, including him having an affair. We loved each other and tried to work it out...he moved out in June of 2010, and we continued to work on things (therapy, etc.). May of this year rolled around, and we decided it wasn't gonna work and ended things. Having that year of being apart, I think, softened the blow, since I didn't see him every day and ending things wasn't a total shock. It was an amicable split, and within that year I made some peace with us not being together.
Anyway...around the time of the divorce, I began talking to an aquaintance. Someone I'd known for the past 3 years. We worked out in the mornings in the same gym, and had surface convo. We always admired each others' dedication and had that in common. He also works out at another gym where he personal trains a client, and invited me to that gym one morning because our regular gym was going to be closed. From then on, we began emailing. He had just gotten out of an engagement; neither of us were looking to get into anything serious. But things just sort of happened. It felt like things were meant to be, that in those 3 years, something kept us around each other. And then the timing opened up for us. To try and make a long story short, we began hanging out, and that lead to literally being with each other every night. Cooking dinner, relaxing, enjoying each other's company, clicking on every level. Taking trips. We fell in love. A few blips came when his ex contacted him about wanting to get back together, and this confused him, since he was with her for 7 years, and was grasping with the grieving of letting that go. But he knew how he felt about me, and knew I was the right person for him. He even told her this. But those 'blips' were tough for me, because I wasn't sure what was going to be. Those couple times were agony for both of us, and brought us closer. We realized we wanted nothing more than to be together.
So, the past few weeks have been amazing. We have such a great time, have so much in common, and talk about the future, making plans, etc. But yesterday, he felt in a bad mood. He didn't sleep well the night before. We worked out, talked all day through work, and everything was ok. Then later on, I texted him, and he was acting off. The weather was really rainy, and he said we could just 'catch up' at the gym in the a.m., which is odd, since we spend every night and had hinted about plans that night. So, I called him. At first, he said he was just tired from no sleep and tried to shake his bad mood. That he'd sleep on it. But the more I pushed, some more came out...that he had been feeling an underlying part of him that wasn't at peace. He and I are totally great. That it has nothing to do with us. But more of an inner turmoil and need to find himself. He feels like he needs time to himself to do that. He is one of the kindest people I know. He isn't a player, which I'm not used to (lol), so I tend to believe he thinks he has some soul searching to do. But it's just such a shock to me. With how great everything's been, I just wish he'd let me help him through this, or at least try to, instead of feeling like he can't have both. I think he can overthink things in the moment...and then when he comes to, he realizes what's true. That's happened before. I'm hoping that happens now.
I'm just not sure what to do, if anything. My gut is telling me this is so wrong. I guess I just needed to vent. If anyone has any thoughts, please feel free. Thanks for listening.