Just so tired....
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Just so tired....
| Sat, 04-29-2006 - 7:18pm |
I was about to leave my husband of 6 yrs, after finding so much porn on the computer it was slowing it down, and a "love friendship note" he had sent to someone, over the internet(I think its someone he works with). She's 23, We are in our mid-to late 40's. He carries a picture of her in his wallet. His justification for it, is that "she's like a daughter to him". I'm no fool. He totally ignores his one and only daughter he has. He had kicked me in the bed, because I was talking in my sleep,,twice, after the second time, I kicked him back and told him NEVER to do that to me again.(this happened about a year ago, he denies it of course) He thinks I used him and has told me so. He has thrown it up in my face, what he had done for me financially, before and after we were married.(I am disabled) All(my medical problems) of this he knew before he married me. I explained to him that I have a hard time doing housework ect. due to my health problems, all BEFORE we got married. Then finally after confronting him with this, he blows it all off like its nothing. Hasn't explained who the note was sent to. Just said he was "taking care of himself" about the porn. (we had already had problems about this before) I'm sorry, but I am still having problems with this. Forgot to tell ya ,we havent had sex in over 2 yrs. Everytime I try to bring up something, to talk, it ends up in a fight, because he gets so mad. I am very hurt by all of this, and am having a hard time trusting him. I am very depressed, and other than getting mad when I want to talk about it, he is making an effort...I just sometimes feel like, I don't want to make the effort right now, and I don't know why? Does that make sense? sweet_mulberry

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You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they’re able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement – or lack of – in their situations. I hope you find it as enlightening as many do:
hub likes to cook
I did something really immature ....
I did something immature ...
What Causes Passive Agressive Behavior?I'll be back later!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Sweet_Mulberry, I think it's very clear that you have some extremely serious issues going on in your marriage.
I don't know what "love friendship note" is, but it certainly sounds like it could be a sign of a big problem. Carrying around the picture of a co-worker who's "like a daughter" sounds like more problems, especially if this isn't someone you feel the same about.
His porn use may be indicative of an addiction problem, but you haven't really offered enough information to indicate whether it is or not. You say you haven't had sex for two years, but I don't know whether that's due to your disability or relationship problems. I agree that his coming back with house cleaning problems may be a tactic to avoid the topic at hand, but it also seems to be the way you've typically handled issues between you, as you two have a long history of poor communication and poor interaction.
I absolutely understand you feeling hurt by all that you've mentioned, I don't know anyone who wouldn't. I agree with Steph that counseling is in order, but I think perhaps couples counseling may also be necessary, do you think he'd be willing to go? I think the first step is to see a counselor on your own, explain the situation and your history and let the therapist tell you whether s/he feels couples counseling is in order. Please know that a counselor or therapist who sees you as a couple must be accredited in the field of couples counseling. It's very important and necessary that the counselor have the proper training and licensing as the field is very different from working with an individual. Some counselors and therapists who are licensed for individuals only offer couples counseling as a "service", but since they don't have the proper training, they very often end up doing more damage to the very couples they were trying to help. It's important to get real help, more trouble you don't need!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Carrie
Sweetie, I understand you're hurt, I don't know anyone who wouldn't be. You've said this has affected your self esteem, and I'm sure the last many years have done the same. Have you seen a therapist to deal with the damage that's been doled out? Do you want a divorce? What are you goals?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I would have issues with my DH sending that to anyone but me just from the picture attached to the top. Women will definitely interpret that as lovey. I also have a very hard time picturing a man sending that to ANYONE that was a "friend". It's a girly thing to do.
I forget, are you in counseling?
Jen
That didn't read at all like a love note. Only friendship.
I think the OP is right about her self esteem being gone. There are so many issues to deal with though.....
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