This is killing me... HELP !
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This is killing me... HELP !
| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:15pm |
I've been a mess since Sunday. My fiance wasn't home. The home phone rang at 8:20pm and when I answered the phone, the person hung up on me. The number was on caller ID so of course I went to the cell phone bills (I file all paid bills for the household, he is aware I have access to the bills) and saw calls to this person from my fiance sometimes at 2, 4 and 5 o'clock in the morning. Mostly short calls, but some were 20-30 minutes. I didn't automatically overreact. We are in our early 30's with no children and we go out with friends a lot. He goes out with his friends at least 3 times a week and he has plenty of female friends. I blocked my number and called the "hang-up person's" number just to make sure it was a woman's number, which it was. I just pretended to ask for some person and acted like it was a wrong number, I didn't just hang up on the girl. I still didn't freak out, maybe it was a female friend of his and she didn't know me so maybe her first reaction was to hang up. On Monday I scrolled on the house phone's caller ID and pulled up her number and showed it to my fiance and said "tell your girlfriends not to call and hang up on me" just to see how he'd react. Well he looked at the number and said "who's this ?... I don't know this number, maybe it's a wrong number." I didn't say anything to that but of course I'm totally upset because he lied. Yesterday, I looked at the caller ID on the phone and all previous calls had been deleted. He deleted the entire call history, but it doesn't matter I've already memorized her number. We've been together for over 13 years, I never had any suspicions before, he's a great guy in every sense of the word, but I can't get this out of my head and let go. Why haven't I confronted him about denying he knew the caller who hung up on me ? Because the next cell phone bill is coming and I'm curious to see the calls and frequency/duration of calls to this woman. Also, honestly, I'm afraid that this will open a can of worms. What if it comes out that he's cheating ? I have to be ready for everything that may happen. We are supposed to get married in May and start a family, but now I don't know what to do. If something is going on, then this call and hang up was deliberate, because that's what these women do. If so, then this is only the beginning of her trying to sabotage but i don't want to jump to conclusions. I want to believe he's innocent, but my instinct says something is going on and I'm always on the verge of tears now and he is noticing that something's bothering me.

A lot of cell phone companies allow you to access your bill online. Have you tried that to see if it lists the current calls? I know ours always did so we would know how many minutes we have left.
Oh, and calls at 2, 4, and 5 am isn't calling a friend to chit-chat. I would seriously rethink any friendship with ANYONE who called me consistently at those times.
Jen
Ah, Queen of NYC, I'm so sorry for what you're in the middle of. Much as you want to think everything's fine you absolutely know that's not the case. Yes, facing this honestly and directly will cause problems but it won't open a can of worms, the can of worms has already been opened - you're dealing with them now. I can understand not wanting to ask questions, you don't want to hear the answers; but really, this is eating you up alive and you already know the answers. Until you deal with it you're stuck right where you are, tortured and twisting not able to move forward. You can't deal with it and resolve it until you face it. I know you say you're waiting for the next phone bill, but why? If there are no calls from her are you going to be satisfied? Will that make this whole thing just go away and be no big deal to you? My guess is that you'll have the same issues and problems with it that you have right now. The latest phone bill isn't the reason for stalling. What if it comes out that he's cheating? Sweetie, you know he is. He may never admit it, but that doesn't change the facts that you have or the truth.
Look at the facts:
Of course he notices something's bothering you, but he doesn't ask you what's wrong. He doesn't have to ask you what's wrong, he knows; he doesn't push it because he sure as heck doesn't want to bring this out in the open.
I understand how awful this is, I know how it shatters everything, I know how devastating it is, but the truth is you're better knowing about it now, before the wedding, before the children, than finding out after those things. I understand needing to be ready for this, but stalling won't make the outcome any different and if you're waiting for a time that feels right, that will never come, there's never going to be a good time to confront this with him, but confronting it is what has to happen, don't you think?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"