lack of sex
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| Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:38am |
my boyfriend and i have been together a little over a year. our sex life is less than desirable. i don't know what to do to change things. we barely have sex, i think the last time was almost 4 months ago. and before that it was maybe once a month. i just don't get it, i would have thought that he would be all over me after not having sex in a while, but he's not. he doesn't even seem to notice it. i've mentioned this to him twice over the course of this year, with no real change. we see each other around 4 times a week and many of those nights he falls asleep while watching tv or when we go to bed there is no keeping him awake.
i just don't know what to do anymore and am seriously considering ending it. i'm leaning towards the feeling that you can't force passion b/w two people and it's just not there.
thoughts? suggestions??
thanks.

What kind of conversation did you have when you mentioned the lack of sex those two times? What reasons were given, what was said? Were there agreements or resolutions made (if so, they obviously weren't kept!)?
On the outside, I'd have to say I agree with you, a relationship in which sex was only a part of every four months or so would not be acceptable to me at all, nor would it be acceptable to anyone I know. I'm jumping the gun and may change my thoughts after hearing more details from you, but I'd say that if your sex life has never been satisfying (once a month at most, yes?) and is getting less frequent, there's little doubt that it will do anything but continue to decline. I'd say once a month is the most he's ever going to do, if you married him sexual contact would likely be much less than every four months.
But, as I said, I'm speaking a bit out of turn, more information from you could make me change what I'm thinking -- but I doubt it. Even if there's a problem involved (rather than his preference for sex), it's not likely that you'll ever be satisfied and I don't think a life time of struggle is what you're looking for when you've only been in the relationship for a year.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
thanks for your reply!
the times we've discussed it, he didn't think anything was really wrong. he claimed i didn't initiate much, which might be true, but it's hard to initate with someone who is sleeping. plus, after a while i just get the feeling like he's not interested.
i just don't get how he can claim to be happy with our relationship without a sex life, b/c i am definately not happy right now.
People have different libidos. Your guy has a very low sex drive and isn't the least bit concerned about it. He needs to be with a women with a similar level of interest.
You do not want a lifetime of this frustration....it will only get worse, both in terms of the quantity and in terms of your feelings of rejection, lack of being loved, frustration, and eventually resentment. If you have any doibt visit the mismatched libidos board and see what it is like.
My advice is move on, this is too fundamental of an issue. P.
thanks for your responses. i really appreciate a third parties opinion. it's just so frustrating.
thanks again!
I agree completely with Orangecuse, he's right. This is not an issue that will resolve to either of your satisfaction; you'll be frustrated, angry and get more so, he'll feel pushed and pressured and will not be happy either. Staying in this relationship means happily accepting sex twice a year at best. You may be great together in other areas, but in this one you are worlds apart. I think you're absolutely right to end it. Sorry.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"