the little things and little moments

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2005
the little things and little moments
5
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:37am

I have been in an LDR (2 hours) for nearly a year. We have plans to marry sometime in 2007 (I was married for 7 years and have been divorced for 2, he has never been married, I have a 4 year old daughter, he is 29 and I am 34). We both have college degrees... I'm a high school teacher and he's in the agricultural field. He is currently working 2 hours away, but has been sending out resumes by me in order to relocate. This is the great part!

The bad part is that, as it is summer, his work keeps him extremely busy. He is working with and for clients (farmers) from sunup to sundown, usually 7 days a week. I knew this time of year was coming and I expected it, so I am teaching summer school and working at my daughter's daycare to keep me busy.

I see him every weekend (I've been driving to him lately because of his work, but we sometimes don't get a lot of time together. We used to enjoy coffee, bacon, and eggs in the morning. We spent time hanging out in the hammock. He'd send little emails or text messages on occasion to let me know he was thinking about me.

We're very committed and in love, but I know we are past the honeymoon stage. Our sex life is really great and we still have fun together when we see each other, but I just feel like some of those little things would help and make a difference during the busy time.

I'm just wondering if, right now, I'm expecting more than he can give. I don't want to be selfish, but I just wish he'd do those little things, especially now, because we don't get the time together like we used to.

Do you think I should mention it or just hold out another month until it slows down for him? Thanks in advance for your thoughts...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:47am
If it were me, I would be patient during this busy time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 1:38pm

wait till his busy time is over and then if these things don't return you can bring it up nicely.....e.g. I really love when you do this, it makes me feel really special and loved.....NOT Why don't you do this anymore, what is wrong....

P.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:54am

I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him that you miss those things and that you look forward to having them back again when his work has slowed down. Who knows, silence about them may give him the impression that you don't mind not having them at all. I do think though, that since you know he's too busy to afford those things it's important to let him know that you understand and don't expect them right now -- him feeling pressure to provide those things will not help anything!


I do think though, that it's important that you recognize that this is how his summers will always be (assuming he'll be staying in the agricultural field) and as such it's a good time for you to reflect on whether you can accept that your summers will be spent largely apart and with him being overworked and unable to be much of a partner to you until the season's passed. It's too bad that it's his busy season, considering the summer is your down time.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2005
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 9:49am
Thanks for your thoughts. They are appreciated and have helped to give me some piece of mind.
This board is much more helpful to me than the LDR board. 2 hours just isn't the same as some people having LDRs that are states or continents apart!
I think I'll be sticking around...!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:43pm

I'm glad the board is helpful to you, and I'm glad you'll be sticking around!


I posted an article about successful LDR's that might be helpful to you, though I know some won't apply because you're not *that* far away. A friend sent it to me some time ago, I'd forgotten I had it! You can find it here:
Key Elements in a Successful LDR








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"