Live Sex Chat : Cheating or Not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Live Sex Chat : Cheating or Not?
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 4:38pm

Is live sex chat cheating?

If the sex chat from the other end is premade, so she is not really there, would this be consider as cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2013
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 1:40am

how to make him commit So, females should offer some area to them. If females do this, then connection are the best later on & men definitely will regard her for doing this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 12-20-2012 - 1:26am

based on one of  the responses and your edit, it seems initially there was more information in your post? 

The sex chat you're describing is one that doesn't change regardless of your responses?  So you have to say the right thing in order for it to make sense?  If that's the case, I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I would think it was odd for sure.  Based on Kendahke1's response, it sounds like this is a boyfriend, not a husband.  I'd say whether you consider it cheating or not, if it's not the kind of thing you're willing to accept in a partner, the you know this isn't the guy for you.  Whether or not it's cheating isn't as important as using the information to determine whether this is something you can accept in your life.  As devastating as it might be, if it's not the kind of thing you can accept and allow, then you've been given a favor in learning about this and having the abilty to use it to determine whether or not the relationship should continue. 

~ cl-2nd_life

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 10:42am

aznlily520 wrote:
<p><span style="color:#111111"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif"><span style="font-size:x-small">I hang out with my boyfriend a lot. It's pretty much like we are living together. We have a great connection, both emotionally and physically. I mean we have sex every day, multiple times. The day of the week I am not with him, he wants/needs to pleasure himself. I'm fine with him masturbating to porn, because porn is not “real”; like you can't actually interact with the stars on a personal one on one level. So I don't count watching porn as cheating. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="color:#111111"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif"><span style="font-size:x-small">Now what about live chat to masturbate? Yes, I did stumble upon a few rated XXX chat pages that he was on. In fact he left it right up on his computer for anyone to see. And it's not those pop up adds from porn sites, but actual live chat with women that guys can masturbate too and chat with. He actually searched for these specific sites also. So is this consider as cheating?</span></span></span></p>

I don't consider it to be cheating. I do think it's inappropriate for someone in a relationship, but he's in his own home on his own computer and he can do as he wishes, as he always has.  It's up to him to esteem your relationship sufficiently enough to consider stopping that behavior for its and your sake.

If this was your computer in your home, then you'd have a gripe.  No, you don't have to like it, but your control of him stops at you putting your fingers on the mouse and clicking through the screen to read what was written.  Now you know he does this. It's up to you to stay off his computer when you're over there if you don't want to come across that.  The fact that he left it out for anyone to read tells me that he either forgot to clear the screen because he got up for something and didn't get back to it or he doesn't care if you or anyone reads it. 

I'd also say that if you had a non existant sex life, then you'd have a real problem on your hands; but you say you two go at it on the regular, so he's not replacing you.  It's clear that he does not believe he should do without just because you're not available--he's not willing to exercise that much restraint for you.

Your control, then, is in how close a proximity you choose to place your self in regards to his computer.  You know he does this, you know he'll leave it out in the open. You have to determine how much pain you want to cause yourself by reminding yourself that he does this. Either that or bounce and find a guy who doesn't need to participate in live sex chats.  Those are your only options here.  You cannot make a grown man do what he doesn't want to do. He will find a way to hide it, then you'll be howling over him hiding that from you.... and you're getting into flipping your relationship from an adult/adult dynamic into a parent/child dynamic. He's already got a mother; he doesn't need another one.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 9:53am

What is cheating, is a subjective thing. If you consider it cheating, then you must make that known to him. If he sees it differently then you have an impasse. At that point you can either agree to let him do it, or he can agree to not do it, or you can break up. So how do you feel about it, and how does he feel about it and is it a deal breaker for you if you are 100% against it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 3:57am
I had the same thoughts music did. Are these chat lines where a guy pays to talk to these women or real women that he actually could meet up with, like an x -rated facebook or something?
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 3:37am

   "Live chat" is another form of porn which is a fantasy.  The chance of really meeting is zero.  You may just want to watch those with him too.  Your post seems to be asking us to decide for you.  Each of us is different.  We will have values and ideals that may or may not dovetail with how you want your life to be.

    Your boundaries are yours.  You do not need others to tell you what you know of yourself. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 9:08pm

Personally I would not consider it cheating--well my question is are these like paid sites or just regular people who can get together for this kind of stuff?  If it's the 2nd, it would bother me more because theoretically there is the possibility of actually getting together in real life, I suppose.  You'd think if it was a paid kind of thing, where it was more like prostitution or phone sex, those women have no interest in "customers."  But I'd say that what we think doesn't matter--if it's something that bothers you and he values the relationship, then he should agree not to do it.  I would think that he could go one day per week w/o having sex.