Long story... sigh...
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Long story... sigh...
| Wed, 07-06-2005 - 11:09am |
I have been with my fiance for 3 years now. Well, a little over 3 years. We have a daughter that just turned 2 on June 16th. Yes, we had an unexpected surprise by our daughter. ALways use protection, lol. I'm 24 and he's 28. Anyway... When I first met my fiance, we slept together. It was not a planned thing, neither one of us were drunk. We were actualy just there to talk about computers and the like since I had a problem with mine and he is a genius when it comes to electronics, especialy the computer. But a little over an hour after being in his prescene, we slept together. And I do know that I was the one that initiated it. I had never done anythign like that in my life. I'm not one for casual sex nor do I do one nighter's. Well, aparently we liked something about the other after that. He wanted to date, and at first, I was so darn attracted to him, I just wanted to sleep with him. ANd the funny thing is, he didn't just want sex even though I did. It's like we had switched "society's stereotypes" and I was the one thinking with nothing but what was between my legs. ANway, a relationship grew. ANd I began to fall in love, quickly. But I refused to say it, since by this time, it had only been about 5 months together and I was afraid it was just lust. I moved in with him. Still not sure how that happened but I did. We did everything rushed too. I mean, we had sex way to early together, we moved in way to early together, we had a baby way to early together... When I moved in with him, he was the first to try and tell me he was in love with me. But I wouldn't let him tell me. Then, low and behold, the emotion just wells up inside of me and I expell it all over him. I love him, I'm in love with him! And he was happy, as was I. Well, I become pregnant. Honestly, one time without protection was plenty enough time for our daughter to come into this world. And we were happy. At this time, my fiance was working at a local convenient store. He had never gone to college and so could not get the job he deserved. Which is a shame since he's a genius with computers! Well, we move near my mother because I wanted to be near my mom since I was pregnant. And problems started. Not between us, not yet, but between him and my step-father. My step-father does not like my fiance. Nor does my dad for that matter. They both believe him to be a hopeless bum because he never went to college. My dad always claims he will never live up to the potential he has, and my dad says it saddens him. He thinks I can do better and always tells me my fiance has yet to proove himself to him about taking care of his daughter. Well, my faince worked long hours to pay the bills and care for me while I was pregnant. i could not work as my pregnancey become very hazardous to my health and was virtualy bed ridden. Then the baby came. And our first relationship problems started. Now I know it has never been my daughter's fault. SHe's not to blame for anythign between us. However, since she came intot he picture, nothing has been the same. At first the were minor problems. I have never been the type to like babies much. My daughter is the first baby I have ever held let alone messed with. ANyway, my fiance is a bear when it comes to getting up in the morning. And I mean a real bear, with growling... He is not a morning person. Well, our daughter coliced fr 3 months straight. I felt he did not help enough with her. Then some how or another, my fiance picked up this impulsive spending money habit. And our problems grew. He liked to spend the money as soon as it was made. We fought hard over that. ANd we quickly got it under control, back then that is. But the helping out with our daughter remained. He would sleep right through her crying and hardly moved when I'd try and wake him to help with her. If you have a child that coliced, then you know what I went through. it wa hell for me! One, I had no idea what I was doing, and two, I also enjoy my sleep and hate it being interrupted. There were times I would cry and cry for the guilt that i may have handled her to roughly when she was a newborn. I would call my mother at 3 in the morning crying and saying i was giveing my daughter up for adoption, that I just couldn't take it anymore! ANd he would sleep through it all. I think for 4 months I slept about an hour a night for that period of time. Depression kicked in, and on top of that, I had post pardom. To back track slightly, befor I met my fiance, i was already on a pill because I had horrible panic attacks. Then since I had a slight case of depression to go with my panic attacks, I was on welbutrin. Well, when you become pregnant, you can't take any sort of drugs, prescription or otherwise, unless it's nt harmful to the baby. Surprisinly, during my prgenancey, I never had a panic attack. Oh, and my pregnancey wasn't only ahzardous to my health or the baby's, it was also bad because I kept nasuea(sp) throughout it, unable to eat anythign and visiting the hospital every week to have flluids pumped into me to keep me well nurished. OK... a hurricane hits our part of Texas, which is where we were living. Were my fiance was working, and he was being trained for assistant manager too, the hurricane took out the over hang and gas pumps so the sore was closed down for a week. Well, my parents own a horse farm in Texas and during that week, we were out helping them clean up. He missed a call to come into work to help clean up the inside of the store and because of that, the current woman whom was in charge of the store becasue the original manager quit to open a video store, fired my fiance. She had been searching for a reason to fire him since she knew he was going to take her job. So, hard times hit us in the money area. By this time, I was ready to go back to college and get my degree. My father was after me to move back to Kentucky, which is where I'm originaly from. He travels and is home one month out of the year and wanted me to live in his house, rent free mind you, and take care of it and finish school. He also promised to help my fiance find a good job that paid very well. SO we moved to Ky. We moved into my dads house and began from there. My dad wasn't home yet so my fiance had to go off and work wher ehe could. And I began the process of beginning school by getting financial aid. our problems got worse. My dad is an alcoholic. ANd since I was home, he started to fly in more and more. ANd when he's home, he drinks the entire time. So he clashed with my fiance. I had to stop a fight that my father started. It was horrible living under his roof and when he wasn't there, my grandmother, his mother, and my uncle, his eldest brother, was always there to "check up" on us. We were "in trouble" with my father allt he time. The grass never was mowed well enough, the house never clean enough. One time, we brought out my dad's old comic books to read them, since, essentialy, my dad gave them to me long ago, and was accused of selling them on Ebay! Then my fiance was accused of downloading every bad thing he could find on the internet. One, sure, we've downloaded music and movies fromt he internet. Yeah, we're guilty of doing that. But how in the world did my family find out stuff like that without getting on our computer? And why were they blabing about porn and governemtn tapes to my father??? This only made things stressfull for me and my fiance. My dad always yelling at me on the phone, my grnadmother and uncle showing up at unexpected times, all the times of the day, and always causing trouble. Aned when my dad wa sin town, it just got worse. So, we moved out, after getting the money. We rented a four bedroom house with my best friend. And then we brought in another guy whom my fiance had befriended. My best friend falls for htis guy and problems begin again. The outcome was, the guy whom we thought was a friend turned out to be nothing but a liar and played with my friends heart and jipped us on rent money. But stress was still high. We fought constantly, me and my fiance. Over my dad and his rantings, and trust me, I did not go into major detail when I explained what it wa slike at my dads. We fought about the guy and my friend. We fought about the taking care of the baby. And we fought because I did not have a job. I was, by this time, an at home mother, and it nearly killed me. i am accustomed to working. And not having a job was stressful, But my fiance had insisted I stay at home with the babyb untill she was at least three, and go to school only. Well, we couldn't keep the house because my friend decided to move out with the guy. So back to dad's we went. Hell started again. Then finaly, we got our own apartment. Now, once again, I did not leanr my lesson and another friend of mine and his girlfriend moved in to room with us. We have a three bedroom. and the apartment is huge. Problems have been horrid since coming here. The roomates split ip their reltionship. And this was after a long drawn out thing from me and my fiance watching my friend, whom always was the most nicest guy, turn into this evil being and treat her like crap. And she and I clashed because I stuck my nose in their business and tried to tell her. But we settled and they split. But our lease is a year long. SO, to mak it all work till then, she movedinto my daughter's room, my daughter took our old room and we moved out to the living room. OK... after typing all of that, here is where me and my fiance's problems lie and how they are. Finances are horrible as I could not find a job for a very long time because the economy around here is awful. We have scrimped and saved and even had to ask my parents for money on occasion. Can't ask his parents as, anothe rlong story in itself, they belive that once you hit 18 years old, you're on your own. We fight over everything. He;s on the computer and, God forbid I ask him a question when he's "working". The baby wakes up and I want to sleep in on that day. he doesn';t want to get up as his job is more stressful then mine he says. The housework isnot shared. ANd yes, when I wasn't working, I did it all becaus eI was the one home. Now, he doesn't think he should do any of it since he has the more stressful job. Plus, I'm the mother and the woman he says. Then there's even smaller, nity grity details... He spends to much time at a friends house and late into the evening and sometimes doesn't come home untill 1 or 2 in the morning. No, he can't do that, he's a family man now!!! We communicate horribly. We always take what the other said as though they are attacking the other. No matter ow little it is. We let other peoples problems that do cause tension ni the house affect us. So then, when the roomates do something that is irritating, even though it is so small, we let it get to us at high levels. We always have an arguement everyday. Most of the time it's minor and not bad, then the hte other half, it excels and we have throwing-things-at-the-wall matches. I'm depressed, my panic attacks are coming back in small doses meaning, right now, my chest just hurts and my breath catches. The baby is in her terrible twos and I don;t have a clue what to do about her. She has taught me a thing called patience though. At least, when it comes to her. my fiance comes home, irritable from work, he works at Valvoline. He's nic fitting, we both smoke and do not have the money all the time for a pack of our nasty habit. The baby's milk always comes first. And sometimes he gets so angry when I have to remind him of this. We fight because nicotine is a terrible drug and when it's suddenlyu cut off... look out! We fight over who left the light on, we fight over who's dish is whos that was left out. We fight over how much I smoke. We fight over a friend of mine whom smokes pot and whenever I'm around her, he thinks I am too. We fight over the fact that whenever I'm completely enthralled in something, I can't hear a word anyone says to me. We fight over him taking off to a friends house because he wants to not only visit but he works on their ocmputer, and other's too. Sure, I'm invited but I don't feel comfortable taking my 2 year old to ahouse with conputer parts strung about. We fight over everything! And I don't knwo how to stop it. Seeking professional help is out of the question since one, we don't have insurance and two we can't afford it. Thigns get so bad on occasion, we do shout names at each other, we threaten taking our daughter from one another, all sorts of things. But we love each other if you can believe that. I love this man with all my hearet and soul. I don't want to leave him, but I can';t take this anymore. I hate it. I'm miserable and he knows it. And I jsut wish we could find somethign that would work for us.

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Depression Support
Anxiety, Panic & Phobias
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I remembered the name of the community organization that helps with electric bills and helps hook you up with Potlatch for food. It's CAP -- Community Action Program. They're great and are all about helping low income folks. They'll likely have lots of other resources and suggestions for you.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
They are a great bunch of people that have all sorts of ideas to help trim excess spending and offer great support. I hope that helps!
Mary
Thanks so much for suggesting the Debt Support Board, Windryderm!
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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