lost in translation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
lost in translation
7
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 12:11am

my boyfriend of 9 yrs has been transferred to canada for a yr. we see each other every 3/4 mos. recently on his visit home, he emailed / im this greeting to his co-worker (a girl) 'i miss u alot .... i have been thinking about u'. i was seeing red when i saw his im. he said i am jumping to conclusion and that there was nothing between them. he was just making conversation. so, what do you think?
i met this girl on my last two visits and the three of us hanged out on my last visit. since he was new to canada, he hanged out with her 24/7 and he is always treating her and her girlfriend to dinner, lunch and happy hour.i found out they went to a strip club, too. shouldn't they wait for my visit to go the strip club? i found out she is very sly. she asked alot of questions regarding my boyfriend. for example she email and ask me when was his flight back to canada, and another times, why he was angry. she knows i am his girlfriend. he told her i am jealous and that i don't understand him. he needs friends and that includes other sex, too. but i do understand, i have friends that are men, too.
but i don't hang out with them 24/7. i told him he should have said 'we miss you and was thinking about you', that's all. he used to tell me about work but now she knows more because they talked and he confine to her. he told me about his promotion but it is a secret for the time being, but guess what, she knows. when i asked him about it, his answer was that she probably overhear his conversation with the boss. so, am i getting stress over nothing. like he said they are just friend. please help.

lost in the american language

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 12:07pm

It isn't "just making conversation" to say <<'i miss u alot .... i have been thinking about u'>>. That means, IMO, that there is something much more going on.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 6:26pm

I agree with the other reply you got - more is going on.

In addition, personally, if "he told her i am jealous and that i don't understand him." I let him go... 1) he's sharing info about your relationship with her and 2) let him find someone that understands him better (what a sympathy ploy!).

Sorry you have to go through this.




Edited 1/3/2006 6:31 pm ET by itwinflame


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 10:23pm

I agree that what he's saying to this girl and the explanations he's giving you don't match up. I wonder if he'd think it was okay if you were behaving exactly the same way with a guy? Hanging out with one guy and his friend all the time, going to strip joints, telling him your boyfriend's jealous and doesn't understand, telling this guy your secrets and your big news before telling your boyfriend, telling this guy that you miss him a lot and have been thinking about him... My guess is your boyfriend would not think it was okay for you to act that way or say those things.


I'm surprised that he'd act this way with you after having been together for 14 years. How long have you been apart? How old are each of you?







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:29pm

thank you jen for taking my side.. i going to let him read it and see how he is going to get out of this jam. it looks like i am wasting my times with him. it so hard to break away from 9 yrs of feeling. he has the nerve to said i was getting upset over nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:36pm
thank you my friend. now i have to make the move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 12:09am

i am so confused. there are so much to tell. we are in our thirty's. we have been apart for 1.5 yrs, but we take turns visiting each other every 3/4 mos. in the past our relationship were fine, we have good times together - movies, dinners and trips. but now i am stress. it hurts just to think back on the email and im he send to her. how dare he tells her i am jealous and i don't understand him. i should be his bestfriend not her. i was there for him, when he was sad, happy, and sick all these years. now he has been gone for 1 year he forget me! so am i right to give him hell. we have been fighting alot. we talked and then he said he loves me alot. i am so confused!!! i know i should be thinking about moving on. there are other fishes in the sea.

i am so grateful to all who respond to my dilemma.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 1:38am

I'm confused, you said in your first post your boyfriend's been transferred to Canada for a year, but here you say you've been apart for a year and a half?







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"