Love and Finances

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Love and Finances
5
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 11:32am

My bf and I have been together for a year.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 1:02am

It's true that guys can't read your mind and if you want something, you have to tell them (the same is true in reverse!)


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 10:04am

I think after analyzing the situation, it is definitely to do with a bit of both- character and cluelessness.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 2:43am

Welcome to the board, Charcoal08 ~

I agree with Crab on all counts.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 6:04pm

I agree with Crab on all points.

The only thing I can add is an alternative way to deal with the money issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:26pm

Well, honestly, if you have been through a lot of ups-and-downs after only one year, with a man who has no previous relationship experience, this will definitely NOT be your last relationship. So don't fight tooth-and-nail to try to make it work if it's just not working. You may really love him but you're asking a lot of questions that are very wise. Unfortunately for him... First relationships are difficult to navigate through even without the financial obstacles. You may not feel as though you have a lot of experience with long term relationships, but sometimes these compatibility issues are more about general, inherent maturity than they are about actual real-world experience.

If dinners and trips are becoming a concern, instead of asking him to contribute more, maybe you could say: "hey I was looking through my account statement today and I think I'm spending more money on dinner and vacations than I can really afford. I need to scale back a bit, because I have loans to take care of."

Maybe it will encourage him to be more financially generous. Maybe it won't. Perhaps the next time you go out to dinner, instead of immediately offering to pick up the check, say "how do you want to do this? I think I paid last time" (my SO and I each alternate paying the check, I make twice what he does but I think he would feel less of a man if he never paid for my dinner)