Is love enough? Confused - need advice.
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| Thu, 02-16-2006 - 6:16am |
May I say sorry in advance for this will probably come out all confused and jargled!
Okey dokey... Im having some relationship probs, and being young I dont feel like I know how to deal with this, or what to do for the best. I guess Im just looking for advice and insight from outsiders, because my friends keep giving me the 'but you guys will work it out Im sure' crap. Its not as easy as that!
Okey, a little history.
Im 23 and my boyfriend is nearly 25. We have been seeing each other for 2 years now, and we share a room in a shared flat. Our relationship moved pretty fast at the beginning, but we had been friends for 2 years before we got together. My boyfriend is from south america, and left his life there behind to come here (Scotland) to study. We met at Uni. Things were amazing for best part - hes such a great guy. We got on really well, shared many of the same interests and goals etc etc. The downside is, that being from another country, he is going to have to work very hard to stay here. He has a bit of baggage in that respect.
Well, our final year rolled along, and it was really difficult. With little time for anything other than work, we didnt spend as much time together. I thought that would change once it was over, and we could start where we left off.
Well, we graduated, and my boyfriend was commissioned to make a short film. (We studied animation) He asked me to work on it with him. I guess this is when things really started to turn. Working together was a big mistake. The balance in te relationship was tipped, and I felt resentment to being bossed around by him. Work was intense and we had no time to do anything else. I thought our final year was bad! By the time we got home at 8, all we could do was flop in front of the tv and switch of. Weekends, he had to work 12 hour shifts in a kitchen. We barely communicated about anything other than trivial, day to day stuff. Fights where starting alot, and I felt mad at him all the time. The fights have really changed how we see each other. Plus, I have been feeling pretty depressed lately, the post graduate blues I guess. Not helping matters, as Im very emotional.
Well, it all came to a head on valentines day of all days, where we had a huge crisis talk. We want to work on things, to get them back to how they used to be. I still love him so much, but so much has happened. Also, he feels like this is only the begining. That his life is going to have to be a sacrifice to get to where he wants to be - the career he wants and the right to stay in the country. He is wondering now whether he will ever have the time to give me what I deserve. That perhaps its the wrong time for us.
Im so sad, because we love each other alot, despite the fact thing have drifted, but is it enough? We are both going to have to work hard to break the animation industry, and perhaps it will be too difficult to do that tied to a relationship? Im so confused by all this. I just want us to work on our problems, and reconnect, but hes all worrying about the future. I just want to take things a day at a time. Why is this so difficult? Im so frustrated right now, that I am seriously thinking of ending it just to get some peace from the confusion that is my mind.
Anyway, thanks for takingthe time to read this. I kinda wanted to get it all out and try and make some sense of it all. But if anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it.
Thanks,
L :?

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There isn't much that's more frustrating than losing what you've been writing because of a computer crash.
I agree with you that taking it as it comes (with the full knowledge of what's reasonable and likely to be necessary) is good. Worrying about what might happen won't help anything and isn't putting your energy into what's here and now.
Easier said from my side of the issue, I know, but looking at necessary changes as just that -- changes will help. Moving apart, putting the relationship on hold for a bit while you focus and pursue on your individual careers doesn't have to mean breaking up. But, as far as the title of you post, no, love is not enough. Besides love relationships take compatibility, a lot of work and more.
Have a great night out!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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