Low Sex Drive is hurting my relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Low Sex Drive is hurting my relationship
13
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:47am

Hi,

I've been in a relationship for 6 years (I'm 26 yrs old). We live together as well. I love him and he loves me very much. We've had our share of obstacles over the years; jealousy, possesion, his father's death, moving in. Despite out hardship we've kept a close and quite honest relationship.

Since his father's death, around 2 1/2 years ago, our sex life has not been very good. He went through a rough time, in turn I went through a difficult time as well. We have sex once every two weeks. We do other stuff as well. When we do have sex, it's great. Which is why I wonder why I don't have the urge to do it more?

I'm always stressed, I'm always in my head, I'm an edmotional person. I can't just switch it on and off like he can.

He has become very frustrated by this and feel rejected by lack of sex. I completly understand and feel like failure. I don't know how to change, it's like a bad cycle that I can't get out of.

I want to be with him and I want a healthy sexual relationship with him. How can get passed this ?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:39pm
Good! I'm glad you made the appointment. I'd urge you to stick with it until the therapist and you both agree that the issues have been resolved, that way you've completely cleared them up and don't have any left to continue to affect you.


"I just don't see how things can get better between us if I see someone? I will be helping myself, but how will it help the relationship?" I have a feeling you're kidding, but in case you're not, I'll tell you. Let's use your insecurity issue as an example; when you've resolved that, you'll be stronger, more sure of yourself and will behave and react differently than you do now. When you react differently, your relationship has to change a bit; he won't have the same things to respond to because you won't be acting the same way. He'll have to adapt and change how he acts/reacts because what there is to react to is different than it was before. You'll feel stronger, more sure, more secure and that will change how things are. Your change will have a ripple affect on your relationship. The change you make will necessitate a change in your relationship, and in him. You'll also likely learn better boundaries, less care taking, more appropriate responsibility taking, and a lot more. All of that will have an effect on your relationship, and in you. Good, healthy stuff.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:00am

Hi,

I'm looking forward to my appointment next week. The feeling that I'm trying to improve myself is rewarding :)

Yesterday, I was writing my thoughts, which I often do in order feel more relaxed. I decided to write a little letter about the way I felt and what I thought needed to change in order to make me happier. The letter was to the point, understanding and honest.

When he read it this morning (before leaving for work: construction) he gave me a huge hug, said I love you and told me he'd reply to it tonight.

That made me feel so comforted. He didn't react defensively to it (which he has in the past. It's a great start and I look foward to making my reltionship healthier and fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:51pm
Best of luck, Alesssia ~








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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