Lying Boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2006
Lying Boyfriend
11
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:42pm
My boyfriend has been lying to me. I can't stand smoking, and when we first got together he was a smoker. But after about a year together i told him i couldn't bear it anymore and so he stopped. Since then we've even been on a weeks holiday together where we never left each others sight and so i knew he wasn't smoking. Its now 4 months since he stopped and a family member has informed me that he hasn't stopped, and he still smokes with colleagues and friends. I feel so betrayed as he has repeatedly being lying to me about this for 4 months. I don't know what to do about this. I love him, but don't feel i can trust him. But is it worth me leaving him over, its not like he's cheated on me. Please help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: emily5418
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 9:23pm

Britlandco, I can see why closet smokers would be plentiful these days; it's pretty hard to not to recognize the health risks, and in a rational world, it makes no sense to put yourself at risk like that. If only addiction were rational..... Meanwhile, you're staring the throngs of disapproving non-smokers while you puff away, polluting their air and subjecting them to the smoke. Closet smoking would be a lot easier. I don't know about where you live, but here smoking is becoming more and more restricted; they've even made bars non-smoking only. It's hard not to know what you're doing isn't acceptable.


"He glares at me every time I light a cigarette. He acts like he didn't know I smoked every day. It doesn't encourage me to quit, it makes me imagine how simple life would be somewhere else. :)" Being made to feel you're doing something bad or being disapproved of only makes you feel guilty and stressed, which makes you reach for another cigarette. IMO any kind of pushing or reaction is counter productive, the smoker will quit when s/he's motivated and ready and not before.


I'm curious. You said, "-Ask him why he smokes?
-Ask when he feels like smoking most?" Would those questions help you stop? Would encouragement?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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