Making Him Trust Me Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2009
Making Him Trust Me Again
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 8:16am

Hello everyone!

I'm 24, my boyfriend is 26. We started dating three years ago and dated for almost all those three years but last year around March I split. I can't really explain it all, I just got wrapped up in my head and for some reason put myself through so much pain, and left. I had to move all my things out, say goodbye to his family and ended up running around from house to house. I was being obnoxious and childish, but for some reason felt like it was the only thing I could do.

Then after getting horribly sick because I wasn't taking care of myself, I landed myself in the hospital. I have epilepsy and started having a lot of seizures due to the stress I put myself under. It wasn't until after I got out of the hospital and really took a step back that I realized I'd been so stupid.

Luckily enough for me, my boyfriend took me back. We'd been broken up for almost five months. When we got back together we were both so psyched to have one another back that most of the painful issues involving the breakup just got swept under the rug.

Then recently, this girl popped up that he had had a crush on when we weren't together. He admitted to me that he had started to move on without me and developed feelings for her. We've been back together for about five months now and I just realized this stuff about this girl. It brought up a lot of demons out of me, and I got very upset. Mostly because it reminded me how horrible everything was that I did to him. I can't imagine someone leaving me the way that I left.

My problem is, I don't know how to act or what to do to make him realize how sorry I am. After all of this, there's no doubt in my mind that I absolutely love and adore him, and want him in my life. I realized that my life without him was not what I wanted. He loves me back, but is dealing with conflicts I'm sure in his head because I came back after all of that. He didn't think I was going to.

What's a girl to do? Any advice on how to get him to accept me fully back? And forgive me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 3:53pm
Welcome to the board, Kat-a-tat-tat ~

You've been pretty vague about why you left and your actions while you were apart. Fully understanding what was going on during that time would be immensely helpful for us in understanding what issues he might be going through in taking you back. I'm hoping you'll explain so we can better understand and be able to give you better answers.

What makes you think he hasn't fully forgiven you? What makes you think he's wrestling with issues? There must be indications that make you think that, yes? What are they? You say that you don't know how to make him realize how sorry you are; have you told him?

I'm wondering if perhaps the issue isn't yours and not his at all. It's quite possible that he's okay with it while you wrestle with the guilt. Your answers to my questions will help me know if that's the case or not. I'll be checking back ~

"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown


"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 5:57pm

< He loves me back, but is dealing with conflicts I'm sure in his head because I came back after all of that.>

Are you assuming he has these conflicts, or has he SAID he does? I'm wondering if you're projecting your own feelings of guilt on a guy who's actually doing fine.