Marriage in trouble. HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Marriage in trouble. HELP
14
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 10:22am
My DW and I have been together for 12 years married for 6. We started dating in high school. We have always been very goal oriented, worked two jobs each and just tried to be the best we could be for each other. Recently though the stress levels have been at a breaking point for me and I can't do anything but pick fights and put down my DW. I have embarrassed her in front of my family and make her feel so bad. I can't seem to break this cycle. She keeps talking about leaving and that she has given me 4 chances to come around and she is just sick of it and wants to have fun and move on. I have set a double standard that she is not ok with and I agree that it is not good, I didn't really realize it and since said ok to things she wants to do. We are both type A and both need to be in control, but lately I can't seem to listen and think about what I am saying. Like an idiot I just open my mouth and stupid comes out. I am in a tailspin and she seems to want to stop but every time we get grounded it happens again. I don't know what to do, she is a wreck and so am I please help. I know this is complicated.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:36am
I would suspect that the issue is a trust issue (with good reason).








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:34pm
DW never did admit to cheating as far as sexual relationship goes. I asked her several times flat out if she cheated and she said no. So really I think my ex-best friend is just crazy. I have to take her word for it right? There is no proof of a sexual affair. I mean if she wanted to cheat she could pick up anybody, I can't even see her doing something with him. Unfortunately I think about it all the time.


Edited 9/18/2006 12:51 pm ET by his_n_hers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:02pm

I remember that posting of your wife going in behind your back to your best friend and having inappropriate conversations (about being clean shaven).

I would suspect that you fight with her because of how inappropriately she behaved with your ex best friend.

Anger at the betrayal, I believe, is the root of your dilemma... and therapy would do so much to help you to relieve this irksome burden you carry.




Edited 9/18/2006 1:07 pm ET by quenek
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 1:30am
Infidelity is carried out in many ways besides sexually. For instance, having an emotional affair with him is just as much a betrayal and does just as much damage to your trust and belief in her.


Some articles that may be helpful:


Getting Over an Affair
Healing From Infidelity
Recurring Memories of Spouses Affair

Is it just friends or infidelity?
Is It Cheating?









~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

Pages