Married, pregnant and very lonely
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|Fri, 05-02-2014 - 9:29pm|
This is my first time posting here, and forgive me if it sounds like a rant, but I will burst if I don't talk to someone...
I am about 14 weeks pregnant. My husband has known for a month today, and when I told him the news, he was very happy and overjoyed. We have been married for nearly 9 years and thought we couldn't have kids, so this was a welcome surprise. He is older than I am, and was married once before, but his ex could not have kids. He really thought it was not going to happen for him, until a month ago!
Although a month is not a very long time, I have noticed a change in him toward me. He still seems very excited about the baby, but he is becoming cold toward me. I can't talk to him anymore without him telling me to shut up or be quiet... he's watching something, or playing a game, or typing something... and it doesn't matter what time of day I try to talk or chat, he's doing something more important. I feel like I have dropped to the bottom, or maybe even off, the priority list. I'm not saying I should come before all else, but I'd like to feel like I come before a facebook game at least. But no. So for at least a week now, I have not really been able to chat with the man who is supposed to be my best friend.
I understand he is probably freaking out inside, but it only makes it worse by ignoring me or making me feel iscolated. I have never been through this before, and with my family in another country, and very few friends, who also live a good drive away, I have no one but him TO talk to when I have concerns or ponders.
He is treating me like he hates me though, and like he really resents me. He would never admit that, he would say I'm being stupid, but then he continues to treat me with hostility. And if I get upset at being disrspected or ignored, he *tells* me I'm emotional because quote "... It happens to all pregnant women". (yelled, actually). I was happy as a jaybird earlier, but he told me I was being hormonal because Im getting tired of being told to shut up.
I am able to bear his first child... you would think that would account for something. You would think he might treat me with some kind of love or respect, but I feel like I have no right being in the house. Like I am in his way all the time and am nothing but a burden to him. Maybe that is the case :( But (one of) the worst parts is that I feel bad for being excited and proud, and so instead I resent myself for being pregnant. And then I hate myself more for resenting myself....!!! UGH!
I guess I can't make him love me. I don't know what I've done to deserve disrespect from him, but I will go out of my mind before the baby is born if I have to go through everything alone.