married, prego and hots for a "boy"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
married, prego and hots for a "boy"
6
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 10:36am

Awww,

I am in a terrible situation... but first a short introduction:

I am a mother of 2, married, working woman - and currently prego with our third baby. I just recently returned to work and have been enjoying it immensely! Well well, as it happens life at home is not all roses and we have had our share of nags and tense moods recently. Being at home with our second child was quite tough time for me, I love company of friends and have a good job with colleagues I enjoy working with. At that time I was the only mother (of the circle of friends) at home with kids - thus pretty isolated. So, I was happy to return to work and do my share.
I'm a PM in an IT company and I usually have plenty of wise guys working in my projects. I have serious hots for a guy who must be nearly 10 yrs younger than I. He is one of my key resources and I value him alot. He always has a good word to say (to everyone) and keeps the spirits up through tough times. And boy, is he hot! (Mind you, the men in IT circles seldom are... (sorry everyone!!)) Yet I have totally empty hands to offer for him, as I am convinced I have married just the right man. But still - I see nothing but daydreams of him! We talk often (usually just bztalk) but every now and then topics get kinda personal, too. He is genuinly interested in people and also shares his views of life and sorrows. We find ourselves often comforting one another. Sometimes things get flirty, but we both husk it off just as a joke.

I mean I know I should do just nothing. I'm 4th month prego, it is not showing quite yet. I know I should tell him at some point but somehow I just keep postponing it... why? I feel totally childish with all this pap yet cannot help myself. You can see this is a very typical story all in all.

Anyone else been in similar situation and how did you make your way out of it??

I'd love a tough word now,

Anis

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 2:09pm

::but every now and then topics get kinda personal, too. He is genuinly interested in people and also shares his views of life and sorrows. We find ourselves often comforting one another. Sometimes things get flirty, but we both husk it off just as a joke.

This is exactly how affairs start, is that what you want?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 6:35pm

You know the risks with what's going on here, so I won't go into that. Besides, a full blown affair is highly unlikely when he realises that you are pregnant LOL

The thing that's going on here is that you are seeking from this boy the things that you're missing in your marriage. So, the solution is to work on your marriage. Even if we could jolt you out of flirting with this boy at work, it would not fix the underlying cause.

Perhaps instead of thinking about this boy - you could share with us the problems in your marriage. Perhaps we can offer you some assistance in fixing the root cause of your problems?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 11:45am

Thanks for your wise words!

I do know we have had some underlying issues in our marriage we have not discussed in the past years. I just did not realize they could lead into me falling for someone else... I need to do some thinking here, I guess.

Talk to you later,

Anis

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 1:25am

Agree with what you've been told! It's not unusual for anyone who's married to get a crush on someone at least once, it's what you do about it that matters. After all, we're married, not dead! Keeping your distance, making sure that you're not alone (not always possible in the workplace), etc. and generally reminding yourself that you need to take steps to keep this at arms length so it doesn't have a chance to go further is how you deal with it. I think you know full well why you avoid telling him you're pregnant, because you're afraid it will ruin the ego boost you get from flirting and you think the information could put an end to it.


In your situation, I think Aisha's exactly right. You know the reason for this crush and the focus on this guy is because of problems at home. That's what you need to resolve and that's where your focus should be. Take care of home!


If we can offer you any thoughts or suggestions on your home front problems, let us know ~







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 9:00pm

Well, I've read the replies and although I agree....

I'm an IT guy and I can tell you that I'd absolutely love to know that someone found me attractive! And, I'd also completely understand that if that person told me that they didn't want to mess up their life with an affair. But, oh my gosh, how absolutely cool that someone found me attractive!

Frankly, I think we could all use a little of that kind of ego boost, but with our PC culture, you can't even tell someone that you hope their head cold feela better because you run the risk of exposing their private medical history.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 10:52pm

I don't think it has anything to do with being PC, it's about taking a step closer to something that needs to be avoided. If you're married and attracted to someone, telling someone you're attracted to them puts you that much closer to getting something started that you should. If you're single, however, I see absolutely nooooo problem telling someone you think they're hot!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"