Men & Stress

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Men & Stress
1
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:07am

What is with men and stress? My husband is use to me being the “rock” in the relationship, but since the beginning of this year, I have been under too much stress to juggle everything. Starting in January I have had the flu, my 1-year old niece was diagnosed with cancer, I’ve had to take care of my mom, the flu again and now I have been offered two different jobs and I have to make a decision by Friday!!

Lots of stress, right? To top it off, my husband just doesn’t understand!! He takes my stress & depression during this time personal and it causes conflict. Worst of all, I don’t know how much more I can handle before I break, both emotionally and physically.

Are there any words that I can use to get him to understand that I need him to be strong for me (and I have said exactly those words to him)? I desperately need the support…

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: temix
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:17am

Welcome to the board Temix ~


Boy, you do have a load of stress going on right now, don't you? Any one of those things would be huge, but all of them? Overload! Before we get to your husband, what are you doing for you? Are you taking time for yourself, doing something special and being good to you? You need to, make sure you do.


Men and women get into trouble in stressful times like these because they way each sex handles things are quite different from each other. What you want and expect seems obvious and perfectly logical to you, it doesn't seem like you'd have to say a thing, he should just automatically step up and do what you need/want him to do. However, since his perspective is the male perspective and their approach (as well as wants and needs in the situation) would be entirely different, his natural reaction feels right to him but is entirely foreign to you. I suggest taking this just a step farther than you already have. Instead of telling him you need him to be strong for you, tell him exactly what he can do that would fit your needs. What do you mean when you say "be strong for me"? Explain to him exactly what you want and need him to do. By doing that, you'll leave no room for interpretation, he'll clearly know what you need and will be able to handle it. Don't forget to ask him what his needs are too, you said he takes your mood personally, what can be done to help that? Maybe, when he's beginning to take it personally he needs to check in with you and tell you how he's feeling so you can assure him. When he's doing the kinds of things you need to feel supported, be sure to tell him how much you appreciate what he's doing, how much it helps and how much it means to you. That'll let him know he's doing the right thing and should help him not feel your moods are about him when they hit.


When you have time (ha ha), a good book on the differences between the sexes is " Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus " by Dr. John Gray . It's worth the read and will make a lot of sense. Something both of you could read....!


Best of luck in all you're doing -- and don't forget to take care of yourself, it's important!







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








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does not change the facts"