Men's fascination with other women......
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Men's fascination with other women......
| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:37pm |
My boyfriend of 4 years is the greatest man in the world. He treats me like a queen, with one exception. He makes no secret of "appreciating beautiful women". Now, I normally have no hang ups about my looks & don't mind the occasional glance at a pretty woman passing by. However, he received his SI Swimsuit addition recently, and I began to wonder - what is it with men wanting to look at half dressed, seductively posed women when they have a perfectly fine one sitting right next to them? We have a fantastic sex life and he seems to love everything about me - inside and out. So why look at others? I brought this to his attention, and his response was "why not? I'm just looking. Don't you like to see beautiful things?" So I proceeded to explain that it is beginning to upset me that he likes looking at other women in a sexual way (this is simply my presumption....what else could he be thinking while looking at a women in a see through swimsuit, sucking on her finger???!!!). I asked him how he would feel if I had a magazine with every single page filled with hot, sexy men in very tight, revealing clothing - or none at all, but tastefully covered, of course - showing me all the goodies this hottie has to offer. He said he would be fine with it. Right. While this may sound like a ridiculous and petty issue, it is something I want to resolve, or at least understand. I have been on the hunt for a magazine, like the one I just described....a SI Swimsuit issue for women, you could say, to casually have lying around that I could "just look at" sometimes, to give him a taste of his own medicine. Any ideas? Thanks!

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"Men's Health" magazine should fit the bill. There are also bodybuilding magazines on nearly every rack at the supermarket. Personally, I say ick to bodybuilders, but I've encouraged my husband to get Men's Health for years to no avail.
On the whole, men are much more visual creatures than women are, that's why they like to look at magazines and porn movies. It's also why they like graphic war/fight movies. The style they prefer is very visual, leaving little to nothing to the imagination. Women, on the other hand, much prefer using their imagination. "Chick flicks" generally fade off when love scenes begin, leaving it to your imagination, just the way women like it. Instead of the graphic pictures men look at, women like romance novels, again, using their imaginations rather than having pictures that spell it out for them. Of course, I'm using generalizations, but it is scientific fact that males are visual learners while women are not.
This doesn't mean you *have* to accept use of this type of material (though I'm assuming it's not a enormous deal to you or you wouldn't be looking for a similar magazine to prove your point). If you disagree with the use of such material, that's your choice and your right. That just means you'll have to find a guy who agrees with your beliefs. There are plenty of them out there, but your current boyfriend is not one of them.
The other issue I'll bring up is addiction. Are you at all concerned that your boyfriend may have an addiction to porn or porn-type magazines? That would put a completely different spin to the issue you're dealing with and none of what I've said above would apply.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I agree that men are easily visually stimulated and that's why porn/Victoria Secret commercials are so prevalent. BUT it doesn't mean it's right, good, or okay. (Though I know I differ from a lot of people on here....)
If it bothers you, then you need to address that with your BF, not why do you need to look at it when I'm right here... Tell him, "I am bothered by this magazine. I do not feel it's just appreciation of beautiful things like someone would appreciate a Monet. I feel that it is insulting to me and that it tells me I'm not good enough."
Jen
Just a thought before you give him "a taste of his own medicine". He honestly may not care if you look at pictures of yummy men.
Neither me nor my DH would care - so don't make the mistake of assuming that he will automatically feel the same way as you.
Agree 100%. Obviously, neither my husband nor I would be upset either and t's very possible that you'll find he's the same. But, a fair number of men are "blowing smoke" when they say they wouldn't care if the woman in their life exhibited the same behavior they do; it's worth checking out. However he reacts, you'll know for certain one way or the other how he really feels and you'll know how to proceed from there.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thanks! I'll give that magazine a try to see how it works.......and I agree about the bodybuilders!
About the addiction issue - that is not a problem. I honestly don't know why I'm complaining - he is one of the few men who doesn't subscribe to magazines such as FHM or Maxim, he doesn't look at porn on the internet (we share our computers and I've never found anything suggesting that he does), he doesn't watch porn movies or get Playboy. But if it's in front of him, he looks and I was just curious as to why men have to have this type of visual stimulation. We are perfect for eachother on every other level, and I would never allow something as silly as this end the wonderful life we have together. I just believe sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine to see how what they do affects people in their lives. :) If I can't make him listen, I'll show him. I'll let him use his amazing visual abilities to see me staring at other men. I'm sure this won't stop his occasional wandering eye, but it will help him understand (at least a little) how it makes me feel to know he's eyeballing other women!
Thanks again!
Jen, I don't think any of us here disagree with what you've said. She absolutely has the right to dislike what he's looking at, and if she isn't comfortable with it, she should tell him.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thanks. I understand what you are saying and have given this plenty of thought, but I know this will at least open his eyes. I'm not angry with him nor is this causing problems with our relationship. I just want him to see (since he can't seem to hear me!!) what he does. I honestly don't care that he looks and have no worries of him cheating, as I'm not insecure in our relationship, I'm just curious as to why men don't see anything "wrong" with it. I've seen his reaction when men stare at me, which is usually some smart remark, and he certainly doesn't like it if I get into conversation with men that are obviously hitting on me (which I try to avoid out of respect for him). Please don't misunderstand, he is not a jealous, overbearing, controlling guy. But he is human and becomes concerned when the possibility/reality of someone else interesting me presents itself (these are his thoughts. I have never given a second thought to being with another!).
All I know is this - he is the type that won't notice something until the shoe is on the other foot. I don't expect him to stop this behavior, but just be a little more conscientious about who it may be affecting.
Cl,
I was referring to my opinion that porn or anything like unto it, is evil, lol. :)
Thanks for the input. I agree that if it really begins to bother me I should tell him that he has to stop. Thank goodness it isn't that bad yet! I just don't understand why they do it. Luckily for me, there is no porn or really anything worse than the Swimsuit Issue or VS Catalog. If it ever escalates, then it will definitely become a problem.
I love, love, love the way you put the appreciation factor into perspective! I will definitely use that next time this is brought up! :)
Good, glad there are no concerns of a problem! Let us know how it goes!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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