Missing phone calls??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Missing phone calls??
27
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:25am
Hi,
I am new to the board and have a small issue with my bf. We have been talking on the phone everyday since we met back in mid January. This past Friday, he didn't call. I called him but he wasn't there. He told me he went out. This was the first time it had happened until last night. It happened again, no call from him. I called him but there was no answer. I went by his house and he was there - lights were on all over his house. He always tells me when he has plans so I am used to knowing where he is and what he's doing and when he's doing it. I do understand that men need their space and I don't want to crowd him. I didn't ask him what happened after the first time. I let him bring it up on his own. Now it has happened again and I'm unsure of how to handle it. Am I taking these two no-calls too seriously? Should I worry about bringing it up this time since it has happened now twice in the same week?


Edited 4/5/2006 10:26 am ET by fashionj2002

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:38pm

Welcome to the board, Fashionj2002 ~


Yes, I think you should definitely bring it up to him. You have an established pattern of communication and he seems to be changing that; it only makes sense to have that be understood and out in the open. Keeping things honest and out in the open starting now, right here in the beginning of your relationship sets the precedent of how you want your relationship to be, you know? If you say nothing all that will happen is you stay confused, unsure what it means and why he's doing it, and that doesn't make any sense at all.


He probably just wants to back off the "every single day" thing and isn't sure how you'll react, but he should have been honest in the first place. Hopefully, you approaching the subject will let him know you appreciate (and can handle) honesty and he'll be open about things in the future. Let us know how it goes!







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:54am

How's it going, Fashionj2002? Have you asked him about it or has he offered an explanation?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 10:11am
Hi there. I didn't have to ask him. He voluntarily offered an explanation which was that he didn't get off work until 8:00pm. It takes about an hour for him to get home and he knew I was in bed so he didn't call. I accepted that and let it go. I did let him know that we don't have to talk everyday and that I didn't want him too feel smothered. Now, what I didn't ask him was whether he wanted space or not. Should I wait until it happens again or should I go ahead and ask him if he needs it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 8:57pm

I'm confused. He said he didn't call because of the time he got off work, but I thought you'd said you drove by and saw he was home??? Or did I misunderstand?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:31pm
Don't ask him anymore questions. Asking him if you're smothering him is smothering him. A few missed phone calls doesn't equal needing "space" like he needs a break from the relationship. Call him if you feel like talking, but if he doesn't answer, don't sweat it. Leave him a sexy message on the machine instead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 4:17am

>>Leave him a sexy message on the machine instead<<

Of course you should only leave a sexy message if you don't mind that his mother or mates may hear it. I play my messages no matter who's there with me.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 2:45am

I'm not sure what the situation is right now, but I'm thinking he may have given her an excuse that she knows isn't true. If that's the case, backing off and pretending that's okay isn't a good thing, IMO. The first question that comes to mind is, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who will lie to you rather than be open and honest about what they want, think or feel? Not only is being with a liar not a good thing, but being with someone who can't/won't tell you what they want or need makes a relationship incredibly difficult, in my book.


The OP may feel differently (and it's up to her how she proceeds with this), but I would feel it would be pretty important to get it out in the open, have some clear understandings about wants and needs in the amount of contact, as well as set some ground rules for communicating problems/wants/needs/preferences. Ignoring it would mean continuing to be in the dark as to whether he wants less contact or what's going on. For me personally, if approaching the subject expecting honest communication is "smothering" to him, it's better to find that out and end it now rather than to continue along,knowing you'll often be in the dark, afraid to ask what's going on, what he wants, if he's upset....etc. A relationship where I don't know what's going on or where I stand isn't close or equal at all. IMO







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:05am
He said he didn't call because he got off at 8pm. It takes about an hour for him to get home from where he works. I DID drive by his house at 9:30 and yes he was home but I guess he had thing to do and by the time he did those things, he figured I was in bed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:07am
Thanks for your reply but I don't leave messages for anyone unless it is an extreme emergency.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 11:39pm

So how do you feel about where things now stand? What do you want in a relationship?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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