Missing phone calls??
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Missing phone calls??
| Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:25am |
Hi,
I am new to the board and have a small issue with my bf. We have been talking on the phone everyday since we met back in mid January. This past Friday, he didn't call. I called him but he wasn't there. He told me he went out. This was the first time it had happened until last night. It happened again, no call from him. I called him but there was no answer. I went by his house and he was there - lights were on all over his house. He always tells me when he has plans so I am used to knowing where he is and what he's doing and when he's doing it. I do understand that men need their space and I don't want to crowd him. I didn't ask him what happened after the first time. I let him bring it up on his own. Now it has happened again and I'm unsure of how to handle it. Am I taking these two no-calls too seriously? Should I worry about bringing it up this time since it has happened now twice in the same week?
Edited 4/5/2006 10:26 am ET by fashionj2002
I am new to the board and have a small issue with my bf. We have been talking on the phone everyday since we met back in mid January. This past Friday, he didn't call. I called him but he wasn't there. He told me he went out. This was the first time it had happened until last night. It happened again, no call from him. I called him but there was no answer. I went by his house and he was there - lights were on all over his house. He always tells me when he has plans so I am used to knowing where he is and what he's doing and when he's doing it. I do understand that men need their space and I don't want to crowd him. I didn't ask him what happened after the first time. I let him bring it up on his own. Now it has happened again and I'm unsure of how to handle it. Am I taking these two no-calls too seriously? Should I worry about bringing it up this time since it has happened now twice in the same week?
Edited 4/5/2006 10:26 am ET by fashionj2002

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Welcome to the board, Fashionj2002 ~
Yes, I think you should definitely bring it up to him. You have an established pattern of communication and he seems to be changing that; it only makes sense to have that be understood and out in the open. Keeping things honest and out in the open starting now, right here in the beginning of your relationship sets the precedent of how you want your relationship to be, you know? If you say nothing all that will happen is you stay confused, unsure what it means and why he's doing it, and that doesn't make any sense at all.
He probably just wants to back off the "every single day" thing and isn't sure how you'll react, but he should have been honest in the first place. Hopefully, you approaching the subject will let him know you appreciate (and can handle) honesty and he'll be open about things in the future. Let us know how it goes!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
How's it going, Fashionj2002? Have you asked him about it or has he offered an explanation?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I'm confused. He said he didn't call because of the time he got off work, but I thought you'd said you drove by and saw he was home??? Or did I misunderstand?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
>>Leave him a sexy message on the machine instead<<
Of course you should only leave a sexy message if you don't mind that his mother or mates may hear it. I play my messages no matter who's there with me.
I'm not sure what the situation is right now, but I'm thinking he may have given her an excuse that she knows isn't true. If that's the case, backing off and pretending that's okay isn't a good thing, IMO. The first question that comes to mind is, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who will lie to you rather than be open and honest about what they want, think or feel? Not only is being with a liar not a good thing, but being with someone who can't/won't tell you what they want or need makes a relationship incredibly difficult, in my book.
The OP may feel differently (and it's up to her how she proceeds with this), but I would feel it would be pretty important to get it out in the open, have some clear understandings about wants and needs in the amount of contact, as well as set some ground rules for communicating problems/wants/needs/preferences. Ignoring it would mean continuing to be in the dark as to whether he wants less contact or what's going on. For me personally, if approaching the subject expecting honest communication is "smothering" to him, it's better to find that out and end it now rather than to continue along,knowing you'll often be in the dark, afraid to ask what's going on, what he wants, if he's upset....etc. A relationship where I don't know what's going on or where I stand isn't close or equal at all. IMO
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
So how do you feel about where things now stand? What do you want in a relationship?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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