Moving Out, Staying Together:What Gives?
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| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 11:34pm |
My boyfriend and I have been together since my freshmen year of college. We had a few breaks, but got together. I am now 30 and want marriage and children. I asked him if he ever was going to marry me; this caused him to not speak to me for three weeks. We fought and said some things from the past (for example, he has had numerous online affairs and quit his job and remained unemployed for three years while he attended college and I supported him, and he said that I nag him to help me around the house.)
He then told me he wanted to move out. I asked him what the reason was and he said he wanted his own place. I asked if he wanted to see other people, he said no. I asked if he was breaking-up with me, he said no. Before he got his new car, I would drop him off work and he stopped kissing me goodbye. He doesn't say I love you anymore.
He jokes about losing weight for his ladies and when we went furniture shopping for our house, he was pointing out things that would look great in his place. We still have sex, I still clean and cook for him. Why is he doing this to me now, especially since I brought up marriage?

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Worddiva,
I recently took a break my boyfriend, and I can tell you this: only you know the answer. He is the only person that can answer this for you. Men can get EASILY confused, they're silly, dumb at times, visual creatures. If at the drop of a hat he has decided to move out and reclaim his space after you brought the big "M" word to his attention, it seems to me that he is not ready. Things have obviously drastically changed; the two of you are now living apart. It's quite possible that this scared the crap out of him. You have to remember that you are not to blame. The two of you obviously care about each other, but if he's not ready, he's not ready. What you can do now, is give him what he wants. Stop cooking him dinner, (he's made it clear that he wants his space), stop with the sex (as tempting as it is, I know...). He made his bed, let him sleep in it. This doesn't mean your're letting go, not by any means. This means that at this point YOU are have hte upper hand. YOU can decide if what you really want is someone who can change his mind overnight. God forbid, if you had kids and were married, and then he decided he wanted his own space again. It almost sounds like he knows you're waiting for him to come crawling back... screw him. I know its really difficult to hear, but that's what I think. He can't have his cake and eat it too. What makes him so special??? Since he's moved out, what has he done for you??? Take this time for YOURSELF. Remember that when you love someone, you must be prepared to bleed, but you also must be prepared to stand on your two feet and stand up for yourself. "Down came the rain...BUT out came the sun". Remember that and keep your chin held high.
Dear Worddiva76:
I hate to tell you this and I'm sure others have told you this: THE GUY IS A LOSER!
For your mental and emotional health you just need to dump him and move on. Why:
1. "I asked him if he ever was going to marry me; this caused him to not speak to me for three weeks" HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU. You don't share the same future goals.
2. "he has had numerous online affairs" He probably had some real ones too. You just don't know about them or do and are in denial.
3. "quit his job and remained unemployed for three years while he attended college and I supported him," Tell me, what kind of a MAN sits on his ass and lets his woman support him and then
4. Complains when he is asked to carry some of the responsibility. "he said that I nag him to help me around the house"
YOU NEED TO DUMP HIM RIGHT AWAY and find a decent guy who wants to get married and have kids. This one is just keeping you around for: "We still have sex, I still clean and cook for him." While you act as his booty call and house maid he's out having his fun, i.e. having sex with other woman in his new place.
I know being without him is probably a scary considering you've been with for so long. But from what I've read, you're a strong woman or at least a lot stronger than you realize. You supported him for three years and put up with his crap. If you can do that you can definitely get on with your life without him and on to someone so much better and who'll treat you with the respect you deserve.
DUMP HIM!
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