My bf wants a threesome

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
My bf wants a threesome
11
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 4:27am
My bf and I have been together for 1 yr now (on off for the first 4 months coz I wasn't sure if I wanted to be serious)

A couple months ago we were intoxicated and I asked him about his sexual history, turned out I'm only the 2nd girl he's slept w (after his gf of 4,5 yrs). We are in our late 20s. My number is in the low teens. I've had a couple serious bfs before him, dated a few men and some one night stands in college. I know I should've not disclosed this info to him but what's done can't be undone. He kept asking me more details and I guess became obsessed about it. He says he gets depressed about it, feels like I gave the best of myself to those men, made him feel like he missed out and so on. Now he wants me to be more sexually adventurous w him, specifically a threesome, to make up for what I did to him(telling him about my history). I thought might be ok w it but more I think about it the more I'm freaking out about it. I don't want to see my man touching another girl let alone having sex w her. He said hed be ok just watching us but I don't even think I can stand the thought of him looking at another naked girl. We watch porn together but that's diff.

I feel like this is bothering me just as much as my history bothers him...if he really loves me then he shouldn't want to put me through this, right? I don't know what to do. I don't want to do this and have it ruin our relationship...but this has already casted a shadow on our relationship. How can I/we fix it?

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 5:21am

"Now he wants me to be more sexually adventurous w him, specifically a threesome, to make up for what I did to him(telling him about my history)."

If he has a problem with your sexually history, it's HIS problem that HE needs to deal with. You shouldn't need to do to anything to "make it up to him". You can't change the past and it's not that important anyway - if he can't get over this, that's NOT your fault. You are not responsible for making him feel better about this. Maybe you shouldn't have told him about your past but that is a minor slip up and I can't help but feel he's overreacting to it.

"I feel like this is bothering me just as much as my history bothers him."

And that was probably his intent. He wants you to feel the same way he does - which is very vindictive and manipulative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 9:01am

I agree with ukgirl's response, and I want to add that if you're dating a man who will hold you hostage for your past, who believes that you need to "make it up to him", you are dating the wrong man, period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 12:25pm

If you don't want to do it, then don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 1:26pm
My thoughts exactly ladies. It would be saddening that if we can't work it out coz we really love each other...but maybe it's just not meant to be if that's the case. Thanks
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 12:02am

A belated welcome to the board, Wantamelun ~

I agree 100% with what's been said and have just a few things to add:

*Not only is your boyfriend overreacting, but he's using what you've told him to manipulate and guilt you into doing this thing you don't really want to do.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 12:08am
Yeah well he's talked about threesomes before that and I said maybe coz I thought I was also curious about it but now I've really thought about it and I don't think I can do it, esp not with an SO. yeah I'll talk about it with him and if he can't accept it then I guess its not really worth my time
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 7:17am
watamelun wrote:
Yeah well he's talked about threesomes before that
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 12:02am

If he's suggested a threesome before that makes it even more clear that he's using this situation to try and manipulate you by guilting you into doing this.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 9:30am

Whatever comes of this situation, keep in mind that if you ever seriously consider bringing another person into your bed in the future, you have to be 100% comfortable with the idea. From what I have read about and seen, most of these situations turn out badly, one or both parties cannot handle the aftermath and the relationships often end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 08-06-2011 - 9:42am

Really??? REALLY?? WHAT you did before you met him was done to him????

@HoneyyDater Come listen to my very random tweets about dating after 40.

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