My boyfriend always ends the conversation too quick and isn't going to church with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
My boyfriend always ends the conversation too quick and isn't going to church with me
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 7:36pm

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years. We used to date then broke up for silly reasons. Now we have been dating for 5 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Amcgregor0058 ~

If you're telling him exactly what you say here you're not addressing the actual problem and it's very likely he doesn't see what you're alluding to in your "we need good communcation for this to work", it's even possible that he thinks he's proving how great your communication is becuase he knows what you're going to say!

It there's a problem you have to address it specifically.

~ cl-2nd_life

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

What exactly are you trying to talk to him about when he cuts you off? Is it the church issue? Something else? It's hard to know whether he's being unreasonable without knowing what you're trying to talk to him about - is it possible that he feels your "communication" is actually more like "nagging"?

Especially if it's about church, I think you need to accept that you can't force religion on someone and you need to respect his feelings on it. If it's something he has decided is not a part of his life and that is something you can't accept, you need to face the fact that the two of you will never be compatible and you'd be better off going your separate ways and finding someone who shares your feelings on religion.

He is obviously not the same person you met 3 years ago. If the person he is now is not someone you're compatible with, it's time to move on. I think you're expecting him to be the same person he was and when he's not, you try to change him back to the way he was and that's not right. I think your expectations of him, on the religious issue at least, are unreasonable.

But if you think you can learn to accept the fact that he is no longer religious and respect his feelings on the matter, then you should work on learning to back off on the issue. Frankly, I don't see why him being at home sleeping would inhibit your ability to church-hunt. Why do you need his help to do it? Why can't you do it alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You've only been dating five months?

I'm also interested in what you're talking to him about when he shuts you down. Depending on what it is, he might have a point. When someone feels like they are being talked *at*, it's really annoying. Maybe he feels condescended to. Maybe he feels like you're trying to drive a point home and condescending to him. Maybe it's something he already knows.

From your very brief post, it sounds like it's very possible you are nagging even if you don't want to believe it.

At the very least, you know he isn't as into church as you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

I'm inclined to agree with the others and wonder if he's interpreting your 'seriously conversations' as nagging.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

I agree with the others.