Is my boyfriend becoming bored?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Is my boyfriend becoming bored?
30
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 5:00pm

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together now for 4 years. He is 38 and I am 22. You may also need to know we run a business togther and he has a 14 year old from a previous marriage and we have a 9 month old together. We also run a business together and are around each other almost 24/7 which can be stressful at times.

 

Before I became pregnant are love manly sex life had gone down hill. There was not a whole lot of kissing, holding hands, sitting next to one another etc. I thought it was because of the stress at work and it would go away on its on as soon as we had it up and running. We didn't really have a chance before I became pregnany. It was a really difficulty pregnancy, I became extermly depressed thinking I had ruined my life being so young and getting pregnant. However, I had my son and I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world! But it did put a lot of strain on our realtionship, me acting so crazy.

We got over it or so it seemed. Even now though, we still arnt lovey dovey and hardly ever have sex. I put it upon my self to fix the situation. I decided if I wanted sex I was going to have to be the one to initate it. So I started trying different things and fulfilling some of his "fantasies". He seems to never intiate it anymore even if I come to bed naked. I'm not trying to brag or anything but I look the same before I got pregnant, I am in great shape so I know its not that. When we do have sex it lasts a whole 5 sec and he dosn't ever want to go for round 2. Its like he just wants to get it over with and go to bed. When I asked him about it he says hes stressed and tired.

I dont know how much longer I can stay in a realtionship like this. I want someone to adore me as much as I adore them. Do you think hes just not interested anymore, hes old and he sex drive is lacking or maybe hes cheating on me. I dont know what the hell is going on. I am going to suggest therapy but when we attended while I was pregnant, we were hurt for 6 days afterwards then we went back the next week and were emotionally exausted for the next 6 days.

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Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 12:51pm
There is something wrong, I doubt its his age. Stress and being tired can factor, but its more likely he has lost the desire to be with you. No way to know from your post if there could be any sort of cheating, but if there is it would certainly explain his distance from you.

He could have become bored with you and/or lost interest in the relationship. He has not given you a straight answer as to what the problem is. He seems adverse to therapy. So you either have to resign yourself to a loveless relationship, fix the relationship, or move from the relationship. You obviously don't want number 1. You can't do number 2 without him putting in 50% which he seems to not want to do. So you are left with number 3.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:18pm
What does he say about the problems you're having? How does he suggest resolving them? Knowing this will be a tremendous help in knowing what to suggest to you.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 5:33pm
He says hell go to couples counseling but he doesn't think we have any problems
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 1:32am

Pbritt, if he thinks there are no problems - then he's not bored.   He's perfectly fine with how things are.

In this case, the marriage counselling needs to be because you aren't happy in the marriage.    And it would be good for him to get his head around the idea that if you're not happy then the marriage DOES have problems.

And a word on the sex problems - your physical appearance or or going to be naked would have little bearing on the situation.   Men can still find their wives with stretch marks and mommy tummys sexy and attractive.   Likewise, if she has clothes on, he'll be happy to rip them off.    If he says he's too tired for sex, I would suggest you believe him.   Tiredness and stress can do a real number on our libidos.  On the positive, lifestyle changes can address ths.     Also, sex drive can also diminish due to emotional disconnect.   Do the two of you fight or argue?    

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 11:06am
I think working together is a bad idea. There cannot be two bosses. What I think is an impornant matter, he doesn't and vice versa. This causes arguments that rolls over into our home life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 11:11am
Honestly if we don't have a son together I would have already left but I feel that I owe it to my son to try.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 7:08pm

No, my son was not planned. I found out I was pregnant and the doctor told us to wait 6 weeks before we came in. We waited, went to the doctor and found out I was already 4 months along! I had no symptoms and was working out every day which was keeping me from gaining weight. We were not going to have any children. Having said this I don't want anyone to think he or I don't love him. He is a great father and we both adore our son. And yes I was taking the pill everyday and still became pregnant. I am on Implanon now, hopefully this one works lol.

Our child is not really the problem. He loves him to death. I was ABSOLUTELY CRAZY during the pregnancy though. I became extremly depressed and very distant. I know this caused a lot of problems in our realtionship. I should have been on anti-depressants but I didn't want to take that chance in hurting my baby.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 9:58pm

Let's see: an unplanned pregnancy, crazy acting during the pregnancy,working together with power struggles; gee I can't see why he would have a problem. (sarcasm) 

  I can't blame him for turning away.  He may in his heart feel betrayed and frustrated(he won't admit it). There can be only one boss, that is something that needs to be worked out.  Loving the child has little to do with inner feelings.  Many men roll with the punch. 

  The question is what are you going to do in the here and now?  Bored I can't say.  Wary is probably more like it.  Much will have to be rebuilt and it may never ever be what you dreamed it would be. It will take time.  It will never ever be like newly wed's.  But what mature relationship ever is.

P.S.

Implanon Is I believe, derived from a tree bark and has been used in oral form for at least a thousand years.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 10:10pm
I don't quite understand. Why would he feel betrayed? I was on birth control. It's not like I tried to get pregnant, I didn't think I wanted kids. And Implanon is a plastic birth control that is placed in your arm and works for 5 years. It is not an oral birth control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 12:39am

Implanon is the commercial name of etonagestrel, a progestin, or synthetic female hormone.  I'm not finding any information about it, or any associated product, being derived from tree bark.  Can you provide a reference?

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