My boyfriend is depressed and drinking too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
My boyfriend is depressed and drinking too much.
12
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 1:13am

I want to preface this:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think if he continues to get drunk every night then he'll get in the habit and will probably not miraculously be able to stop once his rib is healed.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

If I was with someone who spent time like that then I would stay away and let them wallow by themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I hate to say this (I sometimes feel like a broken record) but you are six months into this relationship and you've barely seen the tip of the iceberg in terms of who this guy really is. People don't usually show their serious flaws until after they have been dating at least a year. I'm not saying you don't know anything about him... What I really want to say is, you love the way he treats you now but there is much more important data in the year and a half to come. You're now just barely beginning to see it. You're still in a "probationary" stage of the relationship whether you would like to believe it or not... Six months in, people are still getting to know whether or not they are a good fit. It's not a good time to say "well we're already so committed, how can we make this work when it's not working?"

You say that he is always playing this game he's addicted to. Did his game addiction (let's just call it that) start before he broke his rib or afterward? Do you think there is something else he should be doing or does it just bother you that he is content to be so unproductive?

Does his lack of ambition, overall, bother you?

Does your boyfriend know that you have a traumatic experience in your past?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Glasshalffull83 ~

Crab is right, you've moved in together far too early -- too early to have been able to determine whether his actions, choices and behaviors are acceptable and compatible or not.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

I am negligent in not commenting on your previous violent experience and how hard that is to get through.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007

I need to clarify that I haven't moved in with him.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

What do you consider "support?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

This man does not need to be rescued by you. If he wanted your support, he would ask for it, but I have never met a woman who saved a man from himself. A woman changes a man's life for the better when HE is ready and willing to help himself too. You might not want to believe it but this is very valuable input you're getting from him... What you're seeing isa small glimpse of how he deals with problems. Video games, whatever. Getting drunk every night, or most nights... Even if you understand his motives, you have to admit it's dangerous and it's something that you in particular should be really wary of. That's a dangerous habit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

Thanks for clarifying that you aren't living with him.

Talking to him when you've had the same kind of issues isn't hypocritical, it's "been there, know it's not a good place and concerned that you're there".

As gently as I can, I will say that if the issues you have keep you from being able to have a healthy, appropriate conversation then you're not ready to be in a relationship.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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