My boyfriend is signed up on an online dating/hookup site. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
My boyfriend is signed up on an online dating/hookup site. What should I do?
15
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 9:51pm

I've come across some troubling information that I'm not sure how to handle...my boyfriend is signed up for two free online dating/ hook up sites (but from my snooping I've found out he's only really active on one). I'm looking for advice on what to do about this because 1) I'm shocked that he even has accounts on these sites, 2) I've never had this occur in any of my previous relationships and 3) because I found this out by snooping on his email account so in a way I've violated his trust too.

I'm not proud I snooped but I'd been having the feeling something was off with him and so since I know what his password generally is I logged into his e-mail to find he is signed up for a dating site and has off and on been actively messaging girls on it, even straight out asking some of them or hinting at hanging out with them sometime. I also discovered that throughout our nearly year and a half long relationship that he has had several accounts on this same site. It appears that he'll have one open for a short time, close it, then a short time later create a new account on this same site.

So what should I do? I had the idea to snoop in the first place because I started to have the feeling I couldn't completely trust him as much as I'd like to. (Turns out I was kind of right.) But since I found all of this out by snooping I'm not sure if I should try confronting him about it because he could throw me snooping back in my face.

Overall, I'm just really confused. I'm very much in love with him and lately we've been talking about moving in together, which was something he brought up first, and he's even brought up marriage and having kids together. So does he really love me and want those things or is he just keeping me around as a constant? I've tried asking how serious he is about our relationship and he responds by telling me how much he loves me and that he wants to try and build a future for us together.

I have absolutely no idea how to process, react, or handle all of this. All I do know is that I feel really stupid that this has been going on and I had no idea until recently. You would think something like this would be easy to pick up on. So any advice or comments would be great! Thank you in advance.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2013

LOL! I had the same thing happen to me. I was trying to use his phone to make some calls and saw that my JB was involved in a dating site... So I created my own profile and started hitting on him! I told him as soon as he awoke that I had seen his dating site. He was upset that I violated his personal phone, but we talked it over and from my looking at "our dating Site", I see he is never on there anymore and he never responded to my flirts! However, Your man is still active on his site...

He is not ready for a committment I'm afraid. I used to always go for men who were not available... Not anymore. Who needs the heartache? Communication is crucial...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2013

This is in response to Xxxs--Sorry, but that's ridiculous. If you were in a relationship with a woman or married, would you think it was ok for her to be talking and texting lovey dovey messages to other men on a daily basis since you haven't  had a discussion about "boundaries"? If you were just out with her and she repeatedly openly flirted with other men in front of you, would you like that? Why would this even need to be discussed? I think it's just a given that when you are with someone, they aren't still out looking for someone else. It's cheating, if not physically, emotionally, and often does lead to cheating sexually. This guy's next step is to start hooking up with these women in real life and probably dating and having sex with them and hiding it from his girlfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2014

I found my boyfriend on a sex site but was able to edit his details as I had his password. I profiled him as as elderly, overweight and gay.  He was inundated with messages, kisses and winks from similar profiles.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2014

Your response was amazing. I am dealing with same thing and needed to read exactly what you wrote, I can't thank you enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2014

this was to geek1945 response

Pages