My husband got a tattoo !!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
My husband got a tattoo !!!!!!!
22
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 3:38pm

Haven't posted in awhile, but I'm always around.

Had to get some insight on this or I think I am going to go crazy...

My husband has talked about getting a tattoo since he joined the military 7 years ago. I told him a I had no problem with a tattoo as long as it's not something outrages, too big or that can be seen with his work clothes, (he now has left the coast guard and works as a civilian for the federal government). We've talked about many times in casual conversations and always laughed at the fact that my husband is terrified of needles and blood, but that it would be cool to have the guts to go thru with it.....

So he leaves last week for a few days back to our hometown with one of his buddies, and after two days after arriving he calls me into our room and there IT is...a 7-8 inch tattoo of a hammer head shark on his arm.....I just about fell over...he was kind of nervous, rambling on about how he wanted to surprise me. I was in shock. How could he do something like that with out consulting me first.

He says he was not planning on it, that the opportunity came along to have it done for much less than what it would cost here in Miami and that he to his understanding, I had agreed to it....

My points are these:

-We never seriously talked about it, we would mention it in casual conversations....

-He did it somewhere else, behind my back with one of his buddies..(by the way he spoke to me about 3 times in the very moments he was having it done) .....didn't mention it....

- Gets home and waits 2 days to tell me....

- This is a major decision that I think should have been discussed in a more serious matter since it's forever (not like if he had dyed his hair blonde !!).

He says is no big deal, that he didn't think much of it and that I am overreacting.

We had a huge fight, with me telling him that I hate the tattoo, I don't want to see it or talk about, that to me it represents how disrespectful and inconsiderate he was. We are in "need to speak" bases and I just don't know how to go forward with this. We still have to go through the grilling of friends and family, and I would have been supportive of it if I had been involved in the decision process, but since I wasn't, anybody that asks I am going to tell them that he did it behind my back and I know nothing of it, it's his problem.....I tell you everytime I see that thing , my blood boils.....

please tell me if I'm taking this way out proportion ....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 3:55pm

Welcome back Arianaciara ~


I'm at work and won't be able to reply to your post until I'm home,








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 4:04pm

Well, here's a question -- if he had told you what he was going to do and was serious about it, what would you have said?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 4:30pm

HI Kim:

If he would have called me and told me about it I would have been ok with it. I think tattos are cool and kind of sexy. The whole issue is him doing it without telling me, him over in another city with his buddies, kind of like, l"ook at me, look at what I do when my wife's not around, and his buddies saying "your the man !!!..GO, GO, GO, GO"

I know it's his body, and that I am not his mother, but I wouldn't go and get a boob job with out having a serious discussion with him. I don't know if I'm right but I think in a marriage everything is up for discussion. If not then everyone does whatever they want since it's my body, my money, my kids.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 4:50pm
Just trying to understand --
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 4:53pm
exactly...!!!....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 5:50pm

You said you talked about it in casual conversations and you told him it would be cool and gave your stipulations for if he ever got one. Did he have any reason to believe that you would be mad about surprising you with it? I feel like it's not any big deal for him to do when out with the guys, it was just kind of guy thing for them, but that is just me. I'm wondering since you did talk of it casually, and you had told him it would be cool, if maybe he really did want to surprise you and didn't realize it would upset you.

Personally, I wouldn't be upset at all but like I said, that is just me. Just remember in the scheme of things, you love your husband, and is this really something worth coming between you two? Is it really so big that you'd want to lose a day with each other over it by fighting? Life is precious, and to me it wouldn't be worth fighting over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 6:31pm

>>My husband has talked about getting a tattoo since he joined the military 7 years ago. I told him a I had no problem with a tattoo as long as it's not something outrages, too big or that can be seen with his work clothes, <<

He's been talking to you about it for the last 7 years. You even said that you had no problems with it (with a few exceptions.) HE thinks that you did agree to it, that you had talked about it, and that since you had said okay, and I'm sure you had told him in the past that you thought tats could be sexy, that you *shouldn't* have a large issue with it. He DID consult you first. IMO, he just didn't call to see if it was STILL okay right when he went in. And he wanted to surprise you. I agree waiting a few days after he got home wasn't right, but it doesn't make his getting the tattoo wrong.

Jen

P.S. This is coming from someone who has started to think about getting a tattoo one day. I've talked with my H and he has said that he'd want us to be able to afford it better. Which I understand and I wouldn't do it right yet anyway. But since he said THAT'S his concern and that he wouldn't tell me I couldn't and didn't have a major problem with it, I would not expect him to freak if I just came home with one at a later date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 7:23pm

Ditto

(except I'm not considering a tattoo of my own!)

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:19pm
I agree with Jen too. In my mind, when you two talked casually about tattoos, you were giving permission. I also agree that it's his body and it's his choice to do, whether you approve or not. You may not get a boob job without consulting him, but you could -- it's your body, your choice. I don't think I would be seeing it as something he was getting away with or doing behind your back with the guys, I would figure he probably was more inclined to do it because he was with the guys though. I think I understand his nervous babbling. I've done things that seemed perfectly within my rights to do, then afterward thought, "geez, I should have talked to my husband first", my nervous babble is when I feel like I did something that I should have talked to him about first, whether I *had* to or not. Your husband may have felt a bit like that himself.

I get the feeling this tattoo is very recent, yes? If so, I suspect in a few days or so it won't seem like such a big deal to you.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 3:42am

<<>>

In my opinion WAY WAY out of proportion. You have talked about it for 7 years, and you think it is cool and sexy....buuuuut now you are screaming mad and upset about it....Huh???!!!!

Do you love this guy....or just love to control him....are you really just upset cause you didn't get to control the tatooing process....what, where, and when...right?

Of course with something this permanent it would have been better if he discussed it with you, but really.... screaming and yelling at him and telling him it is now a symbol of his disrespect to you.....you need some real drama in your life, or some mood medication, or therapy, or something. Do you use these emotional outbursts to maintain control....so he won't ever try to do something without your permission again???

It is not hard to figure out why this guy did it (rebelling against your control, with support from his friends no doubt....one thing guy friends hate to see is a man that lets his wife carry his testicles around in her purse) and why he didn't just tell you (he knew you would react like a nut).

One male perspective anyways, P.

 

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