My Perfect? I can't believe I've found someone so amazing and I'm terrified I'm going to ruin it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011
My Perfect? I can't believe I've found someone so amazing and I'm terrified I'm going to ruin it
11
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:32pm

Hi, I've not posted on here in a few years but would really appreciate any advice, bear with me while I give you a quick background to me:

I'm 35, had an awful history with relationships and family - my first experience was being raped by two school 'friends' which led me to run away from home and get pregnant age 16 (didn't think anyone would believe me, I was desperate to be loved and thought a baby would solve that...not at the time, but in hindsight I can see it) My mum was an alcoholic and abusive, and my dad was a workaholic and not approachable.

anyway, fast forward to me now, I have two amazing sons, got a decent job, just sold my house as was fed up with trying to do two jobs and have two lodgers to pay bills after getting rid of husband number two (laziest wotsit ever) and was umming and ahing as to what to do next.

Went to a high school reunion and my first love (from age 14, we were so shy back then we just held hands) walked in and it was as if no one else was there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

It's not that hard to see what caused the problem, but harder to solve it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

becky, your life so far has been a series of trainwrecks, one leading to another... Starting with a difficult family situation and snowballing since then. Now you've had two failed marriages, looking for a way out of feeling trapped or unsure, and you're looking at another relationship to fix that for you. I'm not saying that he isn't a great person, but it's only been four months into the relationship and you are having a difficult time with the closeness.

I have to ask, are you in therapy or any kind of counseling? You have been through a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011

Hi and thanks both for replying - i was getting really upset and down with it all last night.

Been on to Relate today as i know they do one to one counselling, not just couples, and couldnt think of anywhere else I could go - any suggestions would be great, had to drop an email in the end as they werent answering the phone.

Just wanted to say my previous relationships didn't fail because I was scared of being close to someone - my first I walked away from as we should have stayed friends (and are indeed very good friends, have a great 12 year old son, and it's all good, worth the hard work we put in when we split up to make it so)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

From some of your wording I'm thinking you aren't in the US.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Becky, no matter what kind of marriages you had, no matter how "fine" you are, your reaction to this guy clearly shows you have some unresolved issues that need addressing.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011

Hi everyone

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

I'm glad to hear it Becky!


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011

Hello again!

Well I went to Relate and had a really good chat to the counsellor who helped me sift through all the rubbish in my mind!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Good for you for getting help and actually having it work for you.

Best,
Mark
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Thanks for the update!


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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